Your partner and you, you are just inseparable? Sounds great – but is that maybe too much of a good thing? Bestselling author Ann-Marlene Henning explains.
The romantics among you will now think: Huh? How can you be too close? However, love experts know that a healthy relationship is the right relationship between closeness and distance. This topic is the topic of bestselling author and sexologist Ann-Marlene Henning in her book “Liebespraxis” . For us she has put together the 10 most important signs of too close a relationship:
1. You only speak in “we” form
A relationship does not mean the merger of a person. It is important to maintain your individuality and have your own hobbies, friends and plans.
2. You talk to the partner after the mouth
You realize that you no longer express your own opinion when you think you know that you will not like the other one. But love does not always mean to agree, but to dare to keep your own – even if the beloved partner is nearby.
3. You are over-cautious with him
In conversations, you keep emphasizing, “I do not mean it bad …” or “I’m not saying it to hurt you …”. To be considerate of others is good, but whoever cares so much about the other person that he has to repeatedly express his positive intentions sees his partner as weak – that is usually very unsexy.
4. You want to smile bad mood
You smile at important (and also unpleasant or serious) conversations or topics, as if you had to “keep the good mood”. But even a bad mood can be okay, it’s more about talking to each other anyway – and finding a solution or a compromise.
5. You no longer make your own decisions
Consideration and flexibility are good, but not when it really means having to discuss everything first. Everyone should also be able to have their own area where they can and will decide for themselves without consent.
6. You do not want to do anything with others anymore
You are always refusing invitations to be at home with your partner. Togetherness can be good and important, to keep your own life as well. Anyone who experiences exciting things without a partner has more to tell when he comes home.
7. If you do not express your sexual desires
When sex is all “peace, joy, pancakes” and no one dares to be selfish and ask others for their own enjoyment, it gets boring – at best Schema-F. For many couples, the sex stops at some point completely. Having desires and desires does not mean egoism, but healthy hedonism.
8. If you always look for the partner
Do you know the following conversation? “What would you like to do?” The answer: “I do what you want.” Then comes: “Me too, I want to know what you want most.” So it may come to a decision (or not!), But no one ever learns what the other really wants. The (deceptive) security “fortunately agreeing” weighs so high that individuality is no longer possible.
9. If you avoid any quarrels
You avoid any quarrels because you are so worried about the consequences that everyone prefers to bite his frustration. None of you realize it. You just wonder why any tension in the relationship – often seducing or having sex – is missing.
10. If you need constant confirmation from the partner
It has become very important for you to be confirmed by the partner – you are no longer enough for yourself. That makes you dependent on the other. It would be better if you knew and appreciated yourselves so well that you find it nice, if the partner compliments you, but you can free yourself from it and also keep your spirits, if he does not.
This all sounds bleak?
You think that has nothing to do with love? However, because adult, differentiated “love” requires two independent individuals who would be able to cope without the other.
Two people who do not live in subconscious care, the other could leave them, and then they would face misfortune and sadness. The romantic symbiosis bubble from the beginning is just a short-term matter and an illusion. Bubbles are always bursting! Love, on the other hand, means some work, namely, getting to know and appreciating the other – and yourself as well. That works only if the other person shows himself truly – and you yourself as well.
You want to know more about sex, relationship and partnership of Ann-Marlene Henning? That’s good: on the 30th of March she is our guest at our BRIGITTE ACADEMY Balance Day – and there are still some cards 😉
You can find even more exciting tips in the book “Liebespraxis” by Ann-Marlene Henning (14,99 Euro, Rowohlt).