Also a bad conscience or shame for something that you feel? We have an idea why that could be …
Ambitious goals, high demands on yourself, shame and disappointment if you do not fulfill them – in moderation okay, after all, this all drives us to make an effort. In addition, it speaks for our self-confidence, for example because it shows that we trust something. However, when our claims and co-dexterate into a self-optimizing delusion that makes us perceive even normal human characteristics, sensations, and behaviors as weakness or failure, life can be quite exhausting – and we are, in the first place, rather unhappy!
In her book ” How well should I still be ?! ” (Goldmann), the graduate economist and journalist Isabell Prophet goes to the bottom of the self-optimizing trend and encounters, among other properties or sensations, which we feel a guilty conscience in exaggerated perfectionism but in fact they are not only okay and human, but sometimes even good and important.
4 things that make you feel bad, even though they are completely okay
1. Egocent thing
Who thinks first of the others and always acts in the sense of his fellow human beings, even if it results in negative consequences for one’s own life, is perhaps a hero – but no one can always and everywhere be a hero . In truth, we can not help but be basically self-centered. After all, we see the world from our own eyes, feel our own stomach growls, and make decisions that we have to live with – not (or only marginally) the others. Also, what’s wrong with resting in oneself and creating a secure, stable base from which to watch and act the world? Anyone who creates such a base (and also acknowledges that she needs them!) Will be able to give something to others automatically – without even fluting themselves.
2. I want too !!!
Of course, those who do not compare themselves with others can not envy anybody, but let’s be honest: who, please, does not compare with others, that is, not really, that is, never and in no aspect of life? Around us, we see and experience constantly other people, are inevitably confronted with what they do, own, attract and look like. Even if we only perceive a woman wearing a jacket similar to ours, this perception is based on a comparison. Of course, we have to pay attention to it and learn that, in spite of all the inevitable comparisons, we always reflect on ourselves – keyword egocentrism! – but whoever thinks it can ever turn it off, is up to something . Well, now, whoever compares, is also jealous, when she perceives something in others that she wishes herself. The only question is: why should we feel bad about it, that by looking at others, we realize what is important to us or what we still lack? After all, envy is an emotion, for those who feel it, even the most pleasant feeling …
3. Enough is enough
“The Land of Unlimited Possibilities” is still considered a description of an ideal that we all strive for or at least wish for – but absolute freedom and endless possibilities also mean stress, overwork and a guilty conscience that we do not do more with it. In that sense, while it may be frustrating and feeling bad to be able to reach your limits and not be able to eat every type of cookie that exists around the world, in truth, boundaries are good for us because they relieve us and us help us to focus.
4th flag in the wind
Also sometimes the feeling, you would betray yourself and would not be one hundred percent faithful? Then here’s a food for thought: Different situations require different behaviors . Nobody, even if she knows herself and her beliefs so well, can tell in advance how she would react in very specific circumstances. ” We do not need quirks as an excuse nor strengths as a lifeline, ” says Prophet. All we need is trust in us and our sense of well-being in every situation of our lives – that is, on the basis of our present state of mind and experience the most meaningful and correct. If we think afterwards “I would prefer …”, we have at least learned something, behave differently next time – and have absolutely no reason to feel bad about it. On the contrary!