This wonderful love letter from an eightfold father makes it clear why it would be wise for us to take our relationship very seriously.
It’s a sad fact: many relationships break in the first few years after the birth of a child. Or what’s the name of it?
The most common reason for separation is the first child. The second most common: the second.
Excessive demands, fatigue and the focus on the baby, which leaves little room for the partner, is causing problems for many couples. Hardly any lovers are prepared for the birth of a child, how radically life will change. And it breaks.
American Mike Berry knows how to do better and how to build the foundation of a family by putting the partner first. He has been married for 17 years and has adopted eight children together with his wife Kristin.
In his blog, ” Confessions of an Adoptive Parent, ” he explains why Kristin is more important to him than the offspring and cites some very compelling reasons. Here are excerpts from his text that begins:
For the past 17 years, we have discovered many things that make for a happy family life. The most important? To put the good of our relationship over that of the children.
Then he tells how it works:
“At about 8.30 pm I give the first warning shot to my two teenage daughters. At 9 pm, I say, ‘In 15 minutes, it’s time for you to go upstairs.’ I repeat that almost every night. And there is a quarrel almost every night. “Why do we have to go to bed at 9:15 pm?” They complain. ‘We are no longer children!’
Every time I say, “You do not have to go to bed, but you can not be in the living room after 9:15 pm. That’s our time. We have not seen each other all day, and most of the time we have focused on you and the work. We also need time for ourselves. ‘
We have been parents for 15 years and there has never been a phase where we have allowed our children ALL to take our time.
Then he lists the reasons why maintaining a family love relationship is so important:
- A good parent relationship is the cornerstone of the family: the cornerstone of a family is not children. They are part of the foundation and much of the structure, but they are not critical in keeping all this wonderful chaos together. This is us. Me and my wife. It is our responsibility to lead the family.
- Before them there was us: Before the children came into our lives, there were two of us. We fell in love, skipped school together, phoned for nights and at one point vowed to stay together. We were the beginning. We started the whole party. Then came these wonderful children. And we are very thankful that they came because they fill our lives with so much joy. But our connection is sacred to us.
- After them, they will return the favor: nothing is for eternity. Our little darlings will grow up and leave the nest. I do not know about you, but in my house, there is no room for a 30-year-old child. When they leave and start their own family, we will be together again. And we want us to be as healthy, strong and connected as we were when we left for this journey. To make sure that our future is good, we have to put ourselves first today.
- We are their role models: Our children are watching us closely to find out how to live their own lives. We often say, ‘We educate adults and not children.’ I want my kids to grow up with a healthy idea of a relationship. That’s why I put my wife over my children.
- Our children learn to trust: our children need us and they are important. They will come right after the partner. Not the friends, not the career and not the hobbies. You. And you have to take care of her. But first of all, take care of your relationship. When it starts to crumble, your children’s trust is disturbed. If you see how you love your father or mother, you will love them too. But above all, they will have confidence in themselves and in the world around them. “