5 ways to sabotage yourself without realizing it

Granted, life is sometimes hard. But often we make it harder than it is – by accident, but with great success …

Sometimes we are constructive and pragmatic, sometimes affectionate and sensitive, sometimes our bastard puts us in the way of stinking and if we are lucky, every now and then the child comes through in us. All people have been given the venerable life task to make friends with several personality parts – and somehow to get them all under one hat …

One of these shares is rather inconspicuous, but has a great influence on our lives . The psychologist and physician Michaela Muthig calls him the “little saboteur” and has him, in order to push his name recognition a bit and thus to bring him into distress Dedicated to the whole book (” The Little Saboteur in Us Unrecognizing and Dissolving Unknown Resistance “, dtv).

5 reasons why the saboteur is so successful in you

In her book, Muthig outlines, among other things, five typical reasons why the saboteur in our subconscious mind is so successful and still remains undiscovered. It seems that we often do not want to see him at all – so we do a lot to protect him without our being aware of it. According to the psychologist, these five types of self-delusion are the most widespread (and the most proven …).

1. The “I knew it” error

With the “I’ve known it” error, we typically convince ourselves that certain negative patterns are invariably going through our lives . An example. Anyone who was an outsider at school, and then only once in the seminar will not find a referral group, is much more likely to conclude that he is condemned to outsider for life, than others. Problem: Once he has come to this conviction, this attitude accompanies him at every turn, affects his behavior and his effect on others and tada – true. Keyword self-fulfilling prophecy . And while the little saboteur is fine, we quarrel with our nasty fate …

2. The “I can not help it” talk

With the “I can not help it” talk, we protect our saboteur by squeezing ourselves into self-reflection and instead blaming others for the sake of simplicity. Psychologists call this externalization, and in the example of the outsider, that would correspond to a point of view like “I’m always distancing myself from everyone else, no one understands me”. Problem: When we externalize, we can not change a situation, so we can not improve it. Of course, what makes the saboteur happy is that a constructive approach, such as actively integrating or focusing on a few good friends with whom you have a common level, would make us much happier and easier to progress in life …

3. The “I have good reasons for this” fine painting

The so-called cognitive dissonance plays a big role in the “I have good reasons for this” fine painting, that is, the perception does not coincide with reality. In this strategy, we protect our saboteur first of all by relativizing or hiding all negative things in our behavior, and instead always explaining why we act the way we act. The outsider could, for example, wonderfully comfort himself that he feels better alone anyway and he has too much pride and self-esteem to bend for others or “run after” them.

4. The “It just has to be true” cheating

The “It just has to be true” dizziness allows us to cling to a conviction even though fate, events or our fellow human beings actually refute it. You know it already: If our imaginary outsider suddenly finds friends and connection, he will say something like this: “They just want to take advantage of me, so they are so nice to me, I should be careful and not too much for them to open.” And hey, the saboteur has nothing to fear again.

5. The “I can prove it” lie

The “I can prove it” lie is an effective way of encouraging and stabilizing our (false) beliefs. It differs from the “I have good reasons” fine painting primarily by the fact that we collect in this lie purposefully observations that speak for the truth of our convictions. The already well-known outsider just needs to list all the situations in which he “once again” did not belong to the inner circle, and already he has himself confirmed (and his saboteur to safety) – even if in fact he is only 8.5 Percent of all situations of his life recorded and listened to in the other 91.5 just like everyone else.

The good news: These self-deception strategies are only as effective and reliable as long as they are secret and play in secret. Because if we know them, we can then review our thoughts and then redirect them (possibly also with professional help or help from others!). And then the saboteur should get dressed really warm …

Video tip: 7 signs that you love yourself too little

Anzeichen, dass du dich selbst nicht liebst: Eine junge Frau versteckt sich unter ihrem Pulli

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