Passive-aggressive people often hold back their true rage and express it more subtly. Does your partner belong to these persons?
You can not say that your friend is a bad guy. He is sweet, attentive, a true gentleman. But again and again you are angry about him. Sometimes you do not even know what exactly that is. He must have a subtle secret weapon …
Is your friend passive-aggressive?
Ever heard – passive aggressiveness? This means that a person does not openly deal with anger, anger or conflict, but indirectly express their negative feelings. And that can often be subtle and manipulative. Why is she doing that? Because she sees no other way to enforce her needs or resolve conflicts. The end of the song: You can never talk openly about problems with her and it always makes you feel bad. There are some signs that your partner is passive-aggressive. For example:
He makes you bad for others
Tell you directly what does not suit you? He does almost never. He prefers to get upset with friends and acquaintances about you. It’s not really surprising that conflicts boil like this …
He constantly avoids the conflict
Just no fight! If there is a conflict , your partner will rather run out than talk to you about it. That he does not like something, he shows you better through the flower. As a result, he does not really get involved in an intimate bond with you.
He offends you indirectly
Oh yes, he is good at that! Such phrases as “The photo flatters you a lot” (which means something like: In reality, you are not so pretty) come over his lips more often.
He always plays the victim
No matter what he did. In the end, you’re always to blame. Because you exaggerate of course or agitate unnecessarily. For example, if he missed a date, he accuses you of not reminding him. Until you think you screwed it up yourself. Call yourself Gaslighting , this phenomenon!
He is unnecessarily stubborn
He wants to enforce his will at all costs, just to keep his power. No matter with what meaningful arguments you come – he often rejects them without compromise.
He makes sarcastic remarks
Your friend also likes to express criticism by ridiculing things. He often hides behind sarcasm so as not to address the conflict directly. His passion: to give you a nasty side blow.
How do I deal with a passive-aggressive partner?
Sure, you love your friend, even if he sometimes drives you to despair. The question is: what are you doing against his passive-aggressive behavior? First, it helps to put yourself in the partner’s place. Mostly there is no evil will behind it – he has never learned to express his needs otherwise. If you know your partner’s motives, you can be more responsive to your behavior – and do not seek the blame on yourself.
It is also important to take the feelings of the partner seriously. For if he feels misunderstood and rejected, this can only further trigger his passive-aggressive behavior.
It may also be helpful to ask him again why he behaves the way he behaves – and to make it clear: It hurt me when you’re so! However, not with the reproach nick (” Always do you …”), but with a question (“Why are you doing …”). You probably do not realize that your partner is passive-aggressive. And self-knowledge is well known to be the first way to recovery.
If you do not continue together, you still have the opportunity to seek the help of a couple therapist. It helps you uncover your partner’s passive-aggressive patterns and guide them. Either way, it’s worth working on the cause together with him.