You’re dating this cute guy, but somehow, nothing’s moving forward? Oh oh! If there is not Benching behind it … In the video you can see what you have to watch out for in this dating trend!
Do you remember, earlier, in physical education? If football was played and you were happy to sit on the bench (except of course the sporty high flyers among us)? Well, that was great. But today, when someone sets us on the back burner we want to date or get to know , that’s not great. Unfortunately, this happens often enough and therefore has a hip, catchy name: Benching .
What is Benching?
The term “benching” is derived from “bench”, the English word for said (substitute) bank. He describes a dating scam that has been around since time immemorial, but only now, in times of Internet, Smartphone and Co., so really nasty spreads. You could say instead: hold !
Benching usually includes:
- make the other (false) hopes
- make non-binding contact
- flirting and exchanging niceties (often more online than face to face)
- consistent but sporadic communication (mostly via chat, news and social media)
And it’s clear why Benching is so popular now: WhatsApp, Instagram and Co. make it incredibly easy for us to keep other people happy . Here’s a Like, as a message with 😘 – minimal effort with very bad effect: The Benching victim gets the impression that the other is really interested in him and it likes. It is true: only one option of many!
Benching: Who does that?
The Benching offenders are men and women, about whom we can say with certainty only one thing: that they are damned insecure ! In fact …
- … insecure with himself: Anyone who holds open several options does so because he assumes that he does not achieve his desired goal (ie, to abdicate). Bencher create a safety net. In addition, they draw confirmation that they can keep their victims at bay – because apparently they are genuinely interested in them …
- … unsure what they want: A casual flirt? Sex ? Love ? Relationship ? Partner for life? Mingle ? Benchs do not have a plan of what they want, and therefore avoid showing their colors.
- … unsure who they want: is she my dream wife ? Or you? Neither does Bencher have a plan who they really like or love. They are very bad at understanding their own feelings and most would have to learn self-love anyway, before they could really get involved with someone else …
Conclusion: No self-confident person would ever beat a man or a woman! Not only because self-confident people feel empathy for others and that would prevent them from doing so – their lack of self-esteem is the main reason why people pull off this dating scam.
Benching recognize: 5 distinct signs
But how do we know if we will be fed? Sometimes that’s not so easy, especially if we already have butterflies in our stomach or the culprit seems to have good reason for being non-committal (busy, future career just in the balance …). But there are some clues that should startle us. For example, these five:
- Above all, we have online contact.
- If we ask for a date, the person is currently “in stress” and comfort us – very nice and asking for understanding – on another occasion.
- When we make an appointment, it usually means “probably” or “in the evening” – a concrete “yes”, “no” or “19.30 clock” is then only shortly before the date.
- We do not know exactly what we really are. When we address it, the person evades and tries to charmingly bring us to another topic.
- Our gut tells us that the person is not serious with us.
Benching victims? What to do?
If you think you are giving, you can best confirm your suspicions by confronting the alleged perpetrator ice cold .
- Meet him (if he does not even get involved in a meeting, the matter is clear),
- tell him that you feel like sitting on the bench,
- demands a clear commitment and insists on more intense / increasing contact if the person denies benching.
Change something for the better afterwards: Great! Cancels the contact completely: There you have it – the person was not serious. Everything stays with the old, non-binding Wischiwaschi – distance yourself and give it up , even if it’s hard!
As hard as it may be to admit, for someone who sees us as an option, we will never be the one – at least not as long as we let him handle us like this. After all, there is no physical education teacher in life who makes sure that everyone gets their turn …
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