Couple therapist reveals: That's the relationship – even if you are totally different

Love is the answer to all questions? Not quite. She also represents quite a few. Psychologist and couple therapist Oskar Holzberg answers them all. 1018 If things are more important to the partner … 11646070 … then you have a relationship. Anja comes from Bavaria , scrambling is the biggest for her. Her partner Bernd is afraid of heights, he hates the mountains. Eva is an avid skier. Her friend Georg imagines hell: everything is white and freezing cold. Michel is sailing since he can walk, Lea is seasick from the tiniest wave. And the preference for different hobbies and landscapes is still not opposed to how we can separate settings: she collects everything that is soft and cute, he is stylistically a Zen monk. He plays trumpet in two jazz bands, leaving Miles Davis as unfamiliar as the back of the moon. She moves into haute couture, from his cheap T-shirts you get eye cancer.

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Similarity is often overestimated when falling in love

Similarity attracts us. So we quickly find common themes and can easily do something nice together. However, we usually overestimate the similarity when falling in love. We are thrilled when the adored one also has Ed Sheeran on his playlist. But that he is also on German rap, we ignore – until he extensively sonicated the apartment.

11479834 () 10030914 Porträt Oskar Holzberg 8388608

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Oskar Holzberg, (), advises for more than His current book is called “New Key Phrases of Love” (() S., 20 Euro, Dumont).

during l m are changing partners, because people are changing: they are vegans or suddenly drive Porsche because they can afford it now. And there are some differences that only become apparent over time: when there is Zoff around the table manners of the children and then basically the importance of good behavior becomes an issue. And just how important each other's fitness really is becomes a conflict only when the forces are dwindling and time is running out. So it is not at all special that certain areas of life are more important to one partner than the other. It is rather a miracle when partners agree on everything, as if they were twins separated at birth. ()

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But how can we handle our differences? Of course, we could engage with each other's needs and interests and discover them for ourselves. We can go our separate ways and catch the “crime scene” while she goes to the opera. We can fight for compromises. But more important is to realize that our emotional attachment is the deciding factor 1014. Because if we do not feel close and understood, then our common love for the Thai cuisine, the BVB or getting up early also does not connect us. Instead, conversely, in everything that distinguishes us, we see proof of our lack of connection. If his brand fetishism or his claims to cleanliness are suddenly experienced as divisive, then we should not discuss moderation or moronliness We should turn to the feelings we have for each other or just miss between us. For as soon as we are close to each other, the meaning of our differences magically shrinks. It does not separate us then. We look at the strangeness of others with a more benevolent gaze, and find, though sometimes sighing deeply, the compromises that every love bears. 32768 Do you feel like reading more about the topic and talking to other women about it? Then look in the “Relationship Everyday Forum” the 1018 BRIGITTE community past!

<2|g> Get the BRIGITTE as a subscription – with many advantages. Here you can order directly. (*) years in his Hamburg practice couples and gets repeatedly asked relationship issues. His current book is called “New Key Phrases of Love” (() S., 20 Euro, Dumont).

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