Happy couples will always agree somehow? Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that! Says couple therapist Eric Hegmann …
Happy couples see themselves as a team. They pull together, share common goals, and work together to find a solution to every challenge and every (relationship) problem. Conflicts aka opposing interests? Of course it will be the case in a healthy partnership. But then one explains each other’s own perception, describes the feelings that cause this perception in one, and – schwups! – is the conflict from the world and everyone is satisfied.
Nope! Says couple therapist Eric Hegmann : ” Two thirds of all pair problems can not be solved by a conflict that can satisfy both partners equally. ” Phew, two-thirds? Sounds pretty much! Do not be worried, Hegmann says: “Conflicts are normal, even if two people love each other very much, it would be completely unrealistic to hope that the partners always have the same needs at the same time Needs are equal, spares already many couples tough arguments about it. “
With different emotional needs, someone always draws the short straw
But what are those conflicts for which no compromise can be found that satisfies both partners equally? A classic from his therapy sessions: Evening in stressful everyday life or, as Hegmann calls it: ” emotional connection at the end of a working day. “
According to the therapist, the following conflict involves a great many couples in this situation: “A partner wishes to recharge his batteries through contact with the partner, through exchange and conversation with him.” The other partner recharges his batteries by collecting himself in peace without any interaction to bring back energy for exchange. “ Middle way? Wrong! One of the partners will always lose out.
In general, indissoluble conflicts are based on two opposing emotional needs that the partner is / would be used to satisfy. One wants to talk, the other wants to be quiet. One wants to cuddle after sex, the other sheep. The one loves flower sex , the other would like to try new sex positions or stands on the quickie in between. One would like to visit parents and family on the weekend, the other wants action or togetherness. We could go on like this endlessly - no wonder Hegmann speaks of two-thirds ...
The only question is: how can partners become happy with each other if only one person is satisfied in 67 percent of all conflict cases? Decisive is a deep bond, mutual respect and that the partners treat each other luck . Then, according to Hegmann, couples would find creative ways to deal with conflicts and reconcile oneself - even without solving them and removing them from the world.
Would you like to know more about Eric Hegmann? Lots of information and coaching offers can be found on his website .
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