Children must have boundaries in dealing with each other and for expert Deanne Carson this already begins in the baby age. BRIGITTE editor Henning Hönicke wonders if there is not a good idea behind the absurd demand. In the video you can see how Carson herself represents her idea!
No, that's no joke. The woman means it very seriously: parents, according to expert Deanne Carson, should ask their children for permission , if they can change their diapers. Only with the consent of the baby, they can then clean the bottom, everything else would be bad for the development of the baby.
What nonsense – or not? (* which parents allegedly mess up their child every day. But Carson is really talking about one important point: respect for the child's body and his fundamental right to decide who should touch it. Sure, babies are being wrapped, basta, they can scream as much as they want (that's why we wrap them). But in fact it's not about the baby. It is, as with many of these education tips, in fact about us parents.
Even parents need to know limits
We are used to dealing with “our” baby as the situation demands, without asking for it (that would be even better). If the baby is later a child, who can talk to us (and argue!), This relationship has simply gone into flesh and blood. And often we miss the point of allowing the child to set boundaries that we have to respect.
Many of us may even know this from our childhood when we are a toddler for example, unasked by a strange grandmother with the words “So cute!” were kissed or tickled by a “funny uncle” until it hurt. Nothing that really would be “abuse”, but it was still annoying. Much worse was and is the message that settles in the head of a child: adults are allowed to do what they want with you, you have to endure that.
Bad Idea: Adults with automatic “right of access”
Is that dramatic now? Usually not – of course no child dies because it does not really want to sit on an adult's lap and still sits there. But why should it have to? If we found it unpleasant earlier, why should we ask the same nonsense to our own children? So that her aunt, who is visiting extra, is not offended? Why are other people entitled to child cuddles and the child itself is not entitled to say no?
Limits must be learned (), it will not even open in the case of actual abuse. How should it be if it has learned that you can not resist touching, even if it is unpleasant.
And there we are again with the parents, who should ask for the winding permission. This is and remains absurd – and yet has the honorable task of accustoming the parents to take into account the limitations and needs of their children.
No good night kiss , no drama But when my now six-year-old son did not want a good night kiss after a fight (my fault, I did not want to allow Nutella as a substitute for toothpaste), I respected that – just like my other son's request, not tossed my head off unasked and, conversely, this fundamental right will concede life to people around them throughout their lives.