How to recognize and overcome love-hate

Love-hate relationship? Is not there! Or is it? Yes, yes, there is a conflict …

Anyone who has always taken good care of them in their emotional knowledge knows that hate-love is a contradiction in terms . Hate describes a strong dislike, love affection. Who hates, despises, who loves, respects. The only thing hatred and love have in common is their intensity: if there was something like a sympathy scale, hatred and love would mark the two extremes.

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The question then comes up: Is there any love of hate at all ? Can a human love and hate another human being (or even himself ...) at the same time? Let's make it short and painless: Yes! If emotional chaos and inner turmoil are big enough, everyone gets it loose.

Love-hate: That is how it can arise

For some it may be a shock, but it is true that sometimes we or our brains misinterpret our emotions . For example, when we're on a suspension bridge (or sitting in a roller coaster, jumping out of a plane ...) and talking to someone, the chances are much bigger than in the café that we fall in love with him. Our brain may link the excitement that the shaky bridge causes in us, wrongly with our interlocutor (more about that in our article about the suspension bridge trick ).

Similarly, hate love can arise: the person we love simply needs to be somehow related to something that causes hatred or aversion in us, and then we can hate her deeply - rather than the actual trigger. Since we associate strong feelings with her anyway, she is the optimal candidate. Typical causes that can "enrich" love with a dose of hate, especially in relationships and friendships:

  • Uncertainty / bad self-esteem - often leads to, for. B. thinks that is not good enough for the partner and believes that he does not deserve it. And then he is hated ...
  • A sense of addiction - whoever believes he can not cope without a partner and relationship actually has a problem with the state and the partnership itself - but often hates the people involved ...
  • Feeling chaos - who is messed up anyway, who can chalk up a lousy day in the job to the man, to which he comes home in the evening!
  • Excessive claims - who secretly wants to have his partner perfect, may sooner or later develop a love-hate relationship, because the other one simply does not fulfill his or her own requirements ...

In all these cases, hatred is clearly a misrepresentation , that is, it is falsely directed against a person whom one actually loves. And for a relationship that has ugly consequences ...

Hate Love: 5 signals to recognize them

1. emotional outbursts ...

... are typical of partnerships in which hate love has developed. Those affected are overwhelmed and tense by their inner conflict - and then violently they break out sometimes.

2. emotional fluctuations ...

... are on the agenda with a love-hate relationship. From anger to ecstasy, from disgust to longing, from hatred to love - there is no peace and security in a love-hate relationship.

3. Competition thinking ...

... is particularly characterized by the kind of love-hate relationship based on insecurity. Where other couples pull together, hate lovers try to outdo each other.

4. Control addiction ...

Although it also occurs in other unhealthy relationships, it is especially typical for the love of hate. Often behind the compulsion to supervise the other with every little thing, the need for clarity: Who is this person and when does he finally do something that I can decide - whether I hate him or love him.

5. Dependence ...

... often comes first through love-hate, while what triggers them is merely a sense of dependence. The strong emotions, the constant alternation and the ups and downs of the feelings over time become the life content and the habit about which the affected people even define themselves to a certain extent. This creates a kind of addiction or addiction that keeps the partners together, but has nothing to do with a healthy bond.

Hatred love: This is how you can overcome it

It is obvious that love-hate is not the basis for a happy and healthy relationship . But is she a reason for separation? Not necessarily! After all, there are often other causes behind the hatred. Although in an ideal partnership, they should not have so much power to cause love-hate, but let's face it: who has an ideal relationship ?! In that sense it is always worthwhile to get to the bottom of his love-hate relationship and to work on oneself and on the partnership. The following steps are helpful or unavoidable.

  1. Confession : Talk to your partner about your feelings. His reaction will already give you a clue what outweighs him in you: the hatred or the love ...
  2. Cause research : What causes your hatred for your partner? It's best to write a diary or find a therapist who will teach you to observe yourself in everyday life and to understand your feelings .
  3. Breaking Hatred : If you know what really causes your hatred, you should deal with it and try to get rid of your hatred. Because even if you do not judge him against your partner, hatred only wastes energy and space in the heart.
  4. Strengthen love : If you have come to the conclusion that you love your sweetheart sincerely, you should make as far as possible specific experiences with him, which strengthen your bond and love each other. Blümchensex , intimate sex positions , beautiful things for two (maybe on a suspension bridge ...) - all this can help, so that the affection in you long-term victory over your aversion.

Have you had experiences with love-hate or other emotional conflicts in the relationship? Maybe you would like to share this with other sentient people in our community ?!

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