Being in love with the best friend brings nothing but drama, heartache, lovesickness? Well, if that’s the case, our expert tips should be of great interest to you …
Jealous when the best buddy flirts with another? Feels somehow silly when he talks about the relationship problems with his girlfriend? Or does his presence make you nervous recently? Well, then you probably got caught : You’re in love with your best friend!
Falling in love with your best friend is the horror scenario for many people.
- This strains our friendship!
- Should I tell him?
- How can I escape again without breaking contact with him?
It is in fact neither unusual nor terribly tragic to be in love with the best friend. He is a human being with whom we understand each other and feel good. In addition, according to couple therapist Eric Hegmann , friendship is the most important ingredient for a relationship anyway. If we suddenly have butterflies in our stomach while hanging out with the buddy, our subconscious mind just seems to see more clearly than our minds, which are corrupted by traditions and prejudices …
The only question is: how do you behave ideally when you are in love with your best friend ? Following advice has given us friend and partnership expert Eric Hegmann.
In love with the best friend: 3 tips from the expert
As soon as you realize or are sure that you feel more than pure platonic love for your best friend, you should address it openly, advises the expert. “If it’s your best friend, then you can talk to him about anything, if not, your definition of best friend may be worth thinking about.”
2. Do not dramatize!
Of course, it takes courage to confess one’s feelings, even if it’s your best friend. And for sure the confession will change your relationship as well – not necessarily for the worse, but it will in any case ripen . But: “It is still not a marriage proposal, but first a description of the current situation and your feelings for him,” warns Hegmann . “There is nothing dramatic about that and nothing to be ashamed of, nor to fall in love with a colleague.”
3. Think positive!
If you are hesitant or with negative thoughts in the conversation with your best friend, you create the best conditions that it is a problem talk that your relationship – at least temporarily – burdened. But please remember: you do one hundred percent the right thing ! Hegmann: “Sadly, friendships usually break down when a partner is secretly in love and the swarm can not assess the changed behaviors and feel threatened by them.” Something needs to be changed to make things better. “Use your chances and do not see only the dangers. “
In love with your best friend: what happens after the confession?
We do not want to give you false hopes here: Of course, your best friend may reject you and tell you that he does not feel as good for you as you do for him. But even if that happens, it was worth talking to . Because rejection makes it much easier for you to escape and get over it than subconsciously clinging to a possibility or concept that was never really ruled out.
But if you decide to take the next step and try a relationship, this is one of the most solid foundations on which to build a partnership. ” In surveys, nobody doubts that friendships usually outlast marriages,” says Hegmann , “To say I’m not falling in love with my best friend, because I’m afraid of risking my friendship with him, is therefore a protective strategy that works only partially.”
And even if you try it and you separate again someday: It is not said that you can not be friends afterwards again . Hegmann: “It always depends on the reasons for separation: in my experience, this has a lot to do with injured self-esteem, whether and how the former partners get along with each other, and ultimately, every relationship has to prove itself at the end not decisive. “
So: Anyone who has real faith in friendship need not be afraid if they have fallen in love with their best friend , on the contrary! In the worst case, the friendship grows – and in the best of it, true love and it is the beginning of a wonderful, deep, long-term connection
Any questions to the couple therapist? On the website of Eric Hegmann find contact options as well as lots of coaching offers, online courses and more information. And if you want to exchange ideas about friendship, love and relationships with others, have a look at our community !
Video tip: This is how being in love affects your health
You want to know more about being in love ? Understandable! We've already asked a few questions on the subject, such as " Why do you get lost? " Or " How does he fall in love with me? ". We also looked at how tingling in the stomach happens when you fall in love.