More self-confidence: 21 tips
There are always moments in everyday life, in love, in work, in which we feel completely helpless. Here we mention 21 tips for more self-confidence.
1-Someone stupid bumps into me, and I’m petrified. Why? It’s just because of some remnant of our developmental history. Originally, such a “shock rigor” should protect us in earlier times from the attack of aggressive contemporaries. By not immediately counterattacking, for example, when someone pushes us, jostles us, or snaps at us for no apparent reason, we avoid an open conflict. And even if today we no longer have to expect to be involved in a wrestling match, the possibility of a loud, angry exchange of words seems threatening enough to avoid the confrontation.
2-Men are usually much more offensive here. Many women remain in helplessness for the first time, because they have not developed spontaneous anger as a pattern of behavior, from an early age they have always been encouraged to be brave. The first step, then, is to allow you the feeling of anger at all. Because even though he has a bad image, he fulfills an important function.
3-Which ones? Psychologists know that anger is an appropriate and even vital response to responding to injustice and discrimination.
Those who do not express anger will often have to back off, often failing to get their way. This applies to larger questions of life, but also for small encounters in everyday life.
4- But do not people, who get out of their skin at once, also not very inconvenient? It’s not about roaring, stamping their feet on the wall or destroying dishes on the wall. But it is about the courage to clearly and dominantly tell the other person that one does not like his behavior. Studies have shown that tacit groping in the body causes a greater stress response than articulating and responding to anger.
5- Sometimes I attract ruthless people like a magnet can that be? Maybe they’re giving the wrong signals; they have an insecure body language. Usually, others respect the space we claim for ourselves. However, those who walk around the world with drooping shoulders and lowered gaze and always somehow look like they would like to dissolve in the air, too easily leave the field to more agile fellows.
6- And what can I do about it? “Career trainer Barbara Berckhan advises to train a” royal attitude “:” Take up as much space as you need, let your shoulders be wide and fall slightly lower above, hold eye contact and radiate a natural dignity! “At first, this expansive posture requires a bit of practice but immediately puts you in a tangibly more powerful starting position.
7-Can you also train a thicker coat on the inside? Yes, of course, you can work on that. But we must not forget that helplessness is also a sign of sensitivity and vulnerability. These character traits are not bad or wrong, but very human. It does not make us more likable if we always let everything bounce off us and coolly counter.
8-That’s nice to hear, but certain invulnerability would sometimes be quite good … Just like the physical immune system, one can actually build up the mental resilience. Psychologists refer to the ability to bite through in difficult situations as resilience. Some people are already born with an inner strength or they look in the first years of life from the positive role model of the parents, others need to become more resilient in adulthood through conscious practice.
9-And that works? US family therapist H. N. Wright compares a resilient man with a boxer, who gets blown away, gets up and changes tactics to win. No resilient people, on the other hand, do not put their energy into problem-solving but remain mentally defeated and unnecessarily dispel crises. They give themselves too fast, without trying out alternatives.
10- What role does self-confidence play? Because who underestimates their own value, they often occur on the spot. US psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden has found that people with low self-esteem tend to play it safe, want to move only in their familiar comfort zone, and are much more easily hurt. As they generally avoid challenges, they can never test their inner strength. And that limits their self-confidence further. A cycle that is difficult to break again.
11- Are insecure people than those who roar or do not dare to open their mouths, both can happen? Psychologists have found that few self-confident people often fall into extremes: either they respond to even the smallest conflicts overly hostile and aggressive or retreat completely into themselves. Both reactions are not appropriate but should support the shaky self-image.
12-The trick is the golden mean; the trick is to be more relaxed with things that hurt us. This is just as true for the subway rambler as it is for the infidelity. Out of an insult, this feeling of powerlessness arises. Of course, there are always things that are out of our control, and you clearly feel hurt and helpless in such situations. But it is especially important in such moments to trust that we still have influence in many areas of life and are not completely destined for fate.
13- Why are we so scared of not having control? Because we usually assume that our actions have a logical consequence. If this order of cause and effect wavers, we remain helpless. Although we have conscientiously done our job, we collect an undeserved ruffle from the boss… Despite a promising start fails again a love relationship… Such experiences of powerlessness confront us on a deeper level with the big philosophical questions. “If I cannot do anything anyway, why am I even in the world?”
14-Especially in love, fainting often causes us to get completely out of control Strong emotions can quickly disable our highly developed mind. For emotions communicate faster and more directly than logical thinking. This explains the crimes committed in the affair. Our socialization usually makes us forbid exaggerated emotional outbursts. But under great stress, For example, in the case of heartache or humiliation, it can still happen that we go crazy. These are the typical battered car tires or the glass of wine we pour into someone’s face.
15-Some even use physical violence. It is extremely frustrating to be in an emotional impasse. While women in such situations are more likely to respond to depression and seek self-pardon, men are more likely to turn their frustration into aggression and spread that outrage. Biologically, aggressive behavior is a defense response in the event of a strong threat. Just as a cornered animal begins to hiss or bite, even in crisis some people do not know how to help other than through verbal or even physical violence.
16 -What role does childhood experiences play in this? Of course, aggression is not a program that automatically runs like this. Anyone who has seen with parents that they can keep a cool head in stressful situations will most likely be able to regulate their emotions even without a tantrum later on. However, if you grow up with a role model that immediately rises to the ceiling in conflicts, throws you lose or throws glasses around you, it is possible that you adopt such patterns of behavior rather unconsciously.
17-But there is also the powerlessness that seizes one after a heavy stroke of fate. How to deal with it? More self-confident people in the sense of “being aware” – will also have it easier here. For as banal as it sounds: There is always freedom of choice. Nobody has to stay rigid. Whether I crawl home for weeks at a stroke of fate, perhaps numb myself with tranquilizers or alcohol, or try to keep myself well cared for and nurture friendships with all my suffering make a huge difference. If you put your hopes in a better future, your current grief is much better.
18- That sounds a bit too simple. Sure, that may seem cynical or flat. And there are actually moments when you cannot get ahead on your own because you are experiencing a depressive phase. Then it is important to seek professional help. But if we are in a normal phase of despondency, it is just a good help to develop positive visions of the future.
19-Even if it sounds like a calendar saying: There’s the beautiful story of the two frogs falling into the milk. One of them shouts: “Help, I’m drowning!” Stretches out all four of them and drowns. The other one does not give up and pedal as hard as he can. After a while, he is completely exhausted but finds himself safely on a lump of butter again. The message is clear: the firm belief in a way out can unleash unsuspected energies.
20-It all sounds pretty exhausting. True, comfort is not in demand. Those who remain passive can count on increased interest, support and attention for a while and enjoy their victim-hood. US social psychologist Martin Seligmann coined the term “learned helplessness”. This also applies to the initial example, the subway rambler: It is always easier to get involved in a victim role than to realize that things happen and that you handle them yourself.
21-Sometimes I wish I could turn into a superheroine and knew from any tricky situation immediately a way out. This works only in the cinema. And that is why in real life we have only one thing left to do: accept that moments of helplessness are absolutely human. There is no cure for any difficult situation.
Those who admit to being helpless at times sometimes do not have to feel weak. But you should be proud to react sensitively and to question your own actions. Would be terrible if the whole of humanity stubborn and purposeful like a steamroller roar through the world and no one would ever experience a phase of doubt or uncertainty? Only through temporary powerlessness do we really get to know our fears and needs, try out alternatives and develop little by little. Difficult, maybe. But in the end, in any case worthwhile.