A mother gets a biological daughter, although she did not expect it. A second child can not get it naturally. When she adopts a child, the feelings are different …
Can one love an adopted child as much as one’s own? There is a lot of silence about this topic, out of fear, shame or lack of self-confession.
The mother of a biological daughter and an adopted child has now revealed: She does not love the adopted Charlie as much as her biological child. She tells her story on the online platform Reddit :
“My husband and I have been married for seven years, we knew from the beginning of our relationship that we both wanted children and considered adopting them, and since we were only in their early 20s when we got married, we decided to do so to wait a few years until we adopted a child.
Surprisingly, I became pregnant a year after our wedding with our daughter June. It was not planned, but we were financially well placed and wanted to have children anyway, so we were happy about the addition.
I felt a difference of love to my daughters
When June was two years old, we adopted a baby: Charlie. We were involved with her birth mother during pregnancy, as well as at birth. From the beginning I felt a difference of love to my daughters.
When I held Charlie in my arms, I loved her, but it felt more like holding a child of friends in my arms than my own. I told my husband and he confessed that he felt the same way, but he was sure that this feeling would disappear as soon as we spend more time with her.
I’ve read in books and on the Internet that this feeling is normal, like a postnatal depression, and it would settle after a while. That was true of my husband too. However, even after three years, I feel just as much at the beginning of adoption (…).
As if I were holding the child of friends in my arms
Do not get me wrong, I love my adopted daughter. Charlie behaves in many ways even better than June, who is two years ahead of her. Yet I do not love Charlie the same way my biological daughter does. I just can not shake the feeling that she is not my child and that it feels more like being the child of a friend or family member than mine. Am I an asshole?
Oh yes, I would never reveal that to Charlie. I do not treat June favorably and do not show Charlie the feeling. I treat them both as if they were my biological children. “
The Reddit users almost agreed that the mother was not an asshole because she had a different affection for her daughters. Rather, the comments were:
“I was also adopted, and I’ve always known that my father had different feelings for me than my sister, who is his biological daughter – even though he would never admit it.” Children would always feel it.
One mother was more critical about confessing, “That’s not okay and not normal,” she said. Another woman agreed, “Usually parents love their adoptive children as much as their own.”
Others responded in a moderate tone: “This feeling does not make you a bad person, but something in you seems to be broken.”