Can a person who has to master everything by himself be friends with someone who can afford anything without doing anything for it? In any case, our author finds it increasingly difficult …
Actually, one should not envy a good friend. And maybe it’s not a real jealousy that I feel for Ina *. I’m getting lazy about her lately. And honestly I can not say that I heartily treat her wealth. But maybe Ina is not my “good friend” …?
Ina and I have known each other since graduation and I liked them from the beginning. She is (mostly) an incredibly good listener and has above average understanding for my quirks and quirks. I feel like I can really tell and trust her. I’ve never honestly talked to her about one thing: that sometimes it makes me completely exhausted how self-evident she is (from her father’s money) doing everything I want. And how she rubs it under my nose.
It started with a MacBook Pro
The first time that I noticed Ina’s “rich daughter status” unpleasantly, was two years ago. At that time, I had been thinking of replacing my old notebook from 2009 with a new one. For weeks I read reviews, compared prices, kept my eyes peeled for special offers, and learned about major digital fairs that showcased new products that could lower prices for older laptops. Until today I have not bought a new notebook, because I wanted to spend my money but ultimately for other things (eg vacation!). But my friend Ina? She promptly bought a new one two days after I told her about my possibly laptop purchase, a MacBook Pro with touch bar. From daddy’s coal. I never told her that it hit me, and I actually thought I’d get over it. But a few weeks ago, the wound ruptured again.
Ina’s second bicycle
When I visited her for the first time in her new apartment (of course with a lot of new stuff in it …), Ina showed me her brand new second bike. “Why do you have a second bike?”, I asked – probably recognizable amazed -, whereupon she answered: “I got some money from my parents at Christmas .” “But you have a bike.” “Yes, but I do not feel like standing there without a bike, if that has a plate or is in the repair.” Her second bike is almost identical to her first bike: same brand, classic women’s city bike with a sloping pole, just a newer model and black instead of turquoise.
What Ina did not know: I did not get anything from my mother either for her birthday or for Christmas last year, because she does not have much to do with it at the moment. But what Ina knew: six months ago, when my old one was stolen, I bought a new bicycle after having searched and thought for four weeks. Finally, I decided on one that I find beautiful, really very dear – and can pay off in twelve installments (without interest!).
What’s wrong with me?
I do not know exactly why a stupid second bike or a new laptop hurt me so much, after all, I’m not short on anything myself. I love my life (and even suspiciously long …) and enjoy every single day of everything I have. Ina, on the other hand, is having a hard time finding her happiness. She has just been quit – a job she only got from “Vitamin B,” as she calls it (relationships), from which she could just as well pay her rent, which she is by no means dependent on.
The bad part, to be honest, would even comfort me a bit (and that makes me feel very guilty! -) – if Ina had not just written to me that she was in the travel agency and was “of her own courage” She is flying to Hawaii for three weeks and is still on the way home in Miami to clear her mind and find out what she wants to do now. Although I’ve just booked my next vacation, but you guessed it: About a Preisvergleichsportal, after I have observed three weeks price developments, and I travel only with hand luggage. If I lost my job, a visit to the travel agency would be the last thing that would come to my mind …
Ina is shitty stingy!
What makes the whole situation but more difficult and almost bursting with frustration: Ina Ina is more stingy than all my girlfriends who have about the same amount of money as me. Once we had a New Year’s Eve with me, a girls’ evening with wine, sushi, snacks and horoscopes. I got some wine and popcorn, together we brought sushi, which they paid first (about 30 euros). The next morning, before she left, she asked me to give her half the money for the sushi – of course she gave me nothing for the wine and the three bags of popcorn (I did not ask her …).
When she moved from Mannheim to Hamburg and was looking for an apartment, I let her live (felt like a week, but it was probably only four days). Thankfully, I got a card – after all. These are just two examples. I have already invited Ina to a coffee or something, she never invited me to anything. Their source of income is inexhaustible (their father has properties that are probably worth millions), my – obviously – limited.
My measure is full
And now? Am I definitely at a point where I seriously have to ask myself if I can be friends with Ina! On the one hand I really love her and would miss her in my life. But how will it continue in the future, when she no longer “only” has more money than me, but also more free time? If her days are going out, doing sports, traveling and doing whatever she wants to do? Can I watch her without being jealous? Or dissatisfied with my beautiful life, which is exactly as I have always wished me ???
I do not know, but I know one thing for sure: Before I beat Ina ghoste and my friend list, I’ll tell her what I feel. Starting with the MacBook Pro up to my worry, how it goes now. In the conversation and in her reaction, I’ll already see if she’s a good friend, showing understanding and holding back a little in the future – or a woman who may need less space in my life. So I do not have to constantly expose myself to a comparison in which I can only pull the short straw.
* Name changed