May I introduce myself? My name is Katrin, I’m 30 years old and pregnant for the first time. I am firmly convinced that my baby will become a sweet child. Really. It is going to be. Yup!
Since becoming pregnant, I tend to talk to mothers about being a mother. How did your pregnancy go? How was the birth? How did you feel afterwards? It reassures me to get many different answers and to get confirmed that every pregnancy is different, as well as every birth. And that all went well in the end (even after 24 hours of contractions). Everywhere a happy ending!
How it went after the birth? Since I do not like (yet …) after. Not only because it is still a long way off for me (end of June, my baby is born). Not because motherhood is still something mystical to me because it has never been experienced before. And not because I want to close my eyes to something.
I just do not want to hear it
It is much more a deliberate rejection of horror stories à la “My baby was a screaming child”, “The first months I have not closed my eyes” or “My baby has been constantly ill.” It may well be that they are not uncommon and quite correspond to the real life of many newly minted mothers. But I just do not want to hear it.
When I presented the theme of my column today at the conference, my dear fellow children who had children had to laugh. It seemed to mean: a good baby? Yeah, we all thought so. Or wanted. And then it was different. Just less pink-rainbow colors and more full-nappies-sleepless-nights-no idea-why-it-walks-moderately.
… and then it was different
The internet is teeming with mothers who are desperately looking for help because their baby is robbing them of their minds. And while you as a pregnant read through these worries, you can not help but get infected. It is completely absurd in my opinion, with “What do I do if …?” – crazy thoughts, as long as you are not in this situation yourself.
What do I do if my baby does not stop crying? What do I do if my baby rejects the breast? What do I do if my baby does not want to fall asleep? All legitimate questions, when faced with these problems, when you have the crying baby in your arms and even tears of despair rise. But as a pregnant woman I am still far from it.
What do I do if …?
I do not know how my baby will be. I do not know if it will be a stalwart or a breast denier, whether it will cry incessantly or rather sleep long, whether it will magically attract bacteria and viruses or will have a robust immune system. But as long as I do not know, I do not want to assume the worst.
I know mothers who gave birth to quiet angelic figures. And I know mothers whose baby tended to cry from the start. I also know mothers who have both: a wild and a quiet baby – even though neither they nor their partner have changed their style of parenting.
A baby is like a surprise bag
A baby seems like a surprise bag to me: you look forward to it, although you do not know what to expect. But just because you do not know it does not mean that you should start from the worst.
For my part, I firmly believe that my baby will be very, very good. That it quickly learns to sleep through, has a solid immune system and makes no move to take the breast. I assume that my baby will be the sweetest child in the world and that I’m not worried about any unplanned worries.
And if it turns out differently than expected, I’ll do what I have to do: All the mothers I know ask, how it was with them. Back when her baby was still fresh. Only then will I check. And I hope that I do not have to listen to how small this problem is in comparison to what awaits me when the child comes to kindergarten …