According to psychologists, we go through five phases of relationships in partnerships (if they last so long …). Which are particularly difficult and from when it is calmer, we tell you here.
At the beginning of a relationship, everything is always beautiful and exciting. Butterflies in the stomach , a sweet proof of love after another, caution, consideration and romance. But it does not stay that way, in any partnership . The togetherness becomes more familiar, the relationship more natural and the respective partners change and (yes, hopefully!) Develop somehow further.
The psychologist Roland Weber (1950 – 2014) coined a model in which couples go through five different phases of relationships , each with its own pitfalls and opportunities. Even today, couples therapists are sticking to it – and maybe it’s the same with your personal experience …?!
5 relationship phases – at a glance
- coming together
5 relationship phases – step by step
The period of falling in love should be known to all people who have ever had a relationship – and most of the others, too. In this phase, we wear the pink glasses , find almost everything great, what makes the other, would like to be without him again and feel the typical tingling in the stomach . Our body is in a hormonal state of emergency – but as soon as it lays down, the first big test for us as a couple follows …
2. Awakening / disappearing feeling of being in love
If the feelings of being in love fade, the awakening comes towards us. For most, that happens after about a year . All of a sudden, we recognize many more weaknesses and negative sides in our partner than before, lots of things that can suddenly annoy us animally. Now we see the man, as he really is, no longer rosy filtered . But only under this condition can true love ever arise between us . It is important at this point that we have enough self-love and awareness to be tolerant towards our partner . If we put excessive demands on him because we generally strive for perfection in our lives, they stand in the way of developing further deeper feelings for another person. For a whole series of partnerships, awakening is therefore a bad thing …
Those who have survived the difficult awakening together as a couple, we wish good luck and all the best – because in the third phase of the relationship, it is often really going on, most of them feel that the hardest. The partners now have to learn to argue with each other, to assert themselves and to establish their individual balance of power (yes, that varies from couple to couple, more about that in our expert tips for a long-term relationship). Right now it decides: Does the other one mean enough for me to lead this fight and accept one or the other defeat, or is it not worthy of me to overcome my own pride ?
In the fourth phase of the relationship slowly but surely peace returns to everyday life as a couple . The partners now experience the other – including all its rough edges – as enrichment, feel their own new role – as part of a team – more and more as pleasant and forceful. Although there are still conflicts and arguments , but the partners overcome them together and feel with each resolved conflict, the closeness and contact between themselves stronger .
If you ‘ve reached the fifth and final stage of a partnership, you ‘re welcome to post a photo of yourself and your sweetheart on Instagram and post it with #couplegoals. In the arrived phase, topics such as role allocation, future wishes and which of the five languages of love speak the other are clarified – and both feel well and satisfied with the result. The partners, whether with children or without children, now form a family in which they feel safe and at home . Of course, there are still conflicts and conflicts – there are in the end yes in every good family – but the bond of the couple is so strong that they clarify the solvable things and cope with the unsolvable . Because what they have in common is much, much more important to them and gives them more than just getting their own way.
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