Selbstababage: How to fight your inner enemy

And most of the time unconsciously and above all: without need. BRIGITTE author Melanie Wolfers knows how to end this self-sabotage. 1008 As fast as I drive, I do not escape myself: I think about a friend's birthday, which I would very much like to attend, but which I can not celebrate because of family commitments. All of a sudden, I realize that I've been riding much further by bike than planned. As if an autopilot had taken over the driver. Trapped in my thought carousel, I let the beauty of the landscape pass by unseen. 1008 How thoughts can make life harder for you One ponders over everything possible and paints vividly what one fears or would like to have. The stupid thing about this thought-cinema: With it, painful experiences can be sharply strengthened and transformed into a persistent permanent suffering.

even making life more difficult than it already is sometimes can be divided into four aspects. 1006 First, we suffer because we do not have what we want. This suffering is very widespread. Some happily spend much of their time craving for things or qualities they do not call their own: sunshine instead of a rainy vacation week; the hoped-for job someone else got; or just the party that you would like to have partied with. And even if everything fits, it would be better if it were better. ? Or

Second: We suffer because we have something we do not want. These dialogues can be conducted inwardly throughout the day: “Oh, if the colleague would quit … or at least sit in another office! – Oh dear, how do I look like, I'm getting old, again a gray hair! – Now talk she again, she can not shut up at least today … “- and already begins the downward spiral. In addition to the external circumstances, one's inner self also seems to be unwelcome: character traits, physical and mental limits, emotional scars … How often do people wish to be one another or another.

Reality

These aspects compare reality with one's own ideals. This is a normal and important process. It becomes problematic, if one refuses the reality and clings instead to his conceptions, how the weather, the partner, the job, ourselves should be “actually”. Because then life can only lose. Then we can only lose.

1371335702 From my own experience, I know: My expectations and ideas can act like dark-tinted glasses that cover the view of reality with a negative veil. In this way I become the author of my own dissatisfaction with my head cinema. An inner movie takes place, inevitably ending in a Unhappy End. 1002 1000 8388608 var exportz = exportz || {}; (function (exports) { “use strict”; var conf = { 'clientConfig': 'https://www./resource/blob/1003 / dc 01 a 99 e 838 ac 012from39 ff 02 BBC 93392 / homad-config-Brigitte JSON-3-data.json ' , 'globalConfig': 'https://s3.amazonaws.com/homad-global-configs.schneevonmorgen.com/global_config.json' , 'prechecked': false , 'prerollAdTag': 'https://ad-ipd.sxp.smartclip.net/select?type=vast3&s=ems_/liebe&sz=pre&ang_plrw=80 & ang_conlen = 100 & fwd_adb = 1 & ang_plrh = 530 & fwd_j4 = 2 & fwd_j5 = 2: 3 & fwd_n0 = 3: 4 & fwd_j3 = 3: 4 & fwd_a1 = 2 & fwd_k1 = 1 & fwd_k2 = 1 & fwd_k3 = 1 & fwd_k4 = 1 & fwd_k5 = 1 & fwd_f1 = 1 & fwd_f2 = 1 & fwd_f3 = 1 & fwd_f4 = 1 & fwd_f5 = 1 & fwd_f6 = 1 & fwd_f7 = 1 & fwd_n7 = 3: 4 & fwd_a9 = 2 & fwd_b8 = 2 & fwd_b6 = 2 & fwd_h5 = 3: 4 & ang_ref = https: //www.&rnd= [timestamp] ' , 'postrollAdTag': 'https://ad-ipd.sxp.smartclip.net/select?type=vast3&s=ems_/liebe&sz=post&ang_plrw=122 & ang_conlen = 100 & fwd_adb = 1 & ang_plrh = 530 & fwd_j4 = 2 & fwd_j5 = 2: 3 & fwd_n0 = 3: 4 & fwd_j3 = 3: 4 & fwd_a1 = 2 & fwd_k1 = 1 & fwd_k2 = 1 & fwd_k3 = 1 & fwd_k4 = 1 & fwd_k5 = 1 & fwd_f1 = 1 & fwd_f2 = 1 & fwd_f3 = 1 & fwd_f4 = 1 & fwd_f5 = 1 & fwd_f6 = 1 & fwd_f7 = 1 & fwd_n7 = 3: 4 & fwd_a9 = 2 & fwd_b8 = 2 & fwd_b6 = 2 & fwd_h5 = 3: 4 & ang_ref = https: //www.&rnd= [timestamp] ' , 'startPlayer': '' , 'onFailure': zero , 'noClientConfigCacheBuster': true }; var exportz = exportz || {}; (function (h) {h = h || {}; (function (g) {function a () {this.u = “setup”} gg = a; prototype = {c: function (b) {b = b && “number” === typeof b && 0 Math.random ()? 65: (*)) + Math.floor (26 * Math.random ())); return k}, A: function (b) {function k (e) {var b = “” , c, k; for (c = 7; 0 <=c;c--)k=e> >> 4 * c 15, b + = k.toString (16); return b} function d (e, b) {return e < >> 32 – b} var c, a, l = Array (80) , g = 1732584193, q = 4023233417 p = 2562383102, h = 271733878, t = 3285377520, f, m, n, r, e; b = b && “string” === typeof b? b: “”; f = b.length; var u = []; for (c = 0; c >> 29); u.push (f << 3 4294967295); for (b = 0; b c; c ++) l [c] = u [b+c]; for (c = 16; 79> = c; c ++) l [c] = d (l [c-3] ^ l [c-8] ^ l [c-14] ^ l [c-16], 1), a = g f = q; m = p; n = h r = t; for (c = 0; 19> = c; c ++) e = d (a, 5) + (f m | ~ f n) + r + l [c] + 1518500249 4294967295, r = n , n = m, m = d (f, 30) f = a, a = e, for (c = 20 39> = c; c ++) e = d (a, 5) + (f ^ m ^ n) + r + l [c] + 1859775393 4294967295, r = n, n = m, m = d (f, 30 ), f = a, a = e, for (c = 40; 59> = c; c ++) e = d (a, 5) + (f m | f n | m & n) + r + l [c] + 2400959708 4294967295, r = n, n = m, m = d (f, 30), f = a, a = e f or (c = 60; 79> = c; c ++) e = d (a, 5) + (f ^ m ^ n) + r + l [c] + 3395469782 4294967295, r = n, n = m, m = d (f, 30), f = a, a = e; g = g + a 4294967295; q = q + f 4294967295; p = p + m 4294967295; h = h + n? 4294967295; t = t + r 4294967295} return (k (g) + k (q) + k (p) + k (h) + k (t)) toLowerCase ()}, j. function ( b) {for (var k = “”, a, c, g, l, h, q, p = 0; p > 2, a = (a 3) <<4|c>> 4, h = (c 15) <<2|g>> 6, q = g 63 isNaN (c) ? h = q = 64: isNaN (g) && (q = 64), k = k + “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz 0123456789 + / = “. 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Afraid of the future

To let thoughts suffer themselves. Third, we suffer because we have exactly what we want. Yes, that's right! I'm talking about moments when we might or may not feel happy. But just at such a moment comes the fear that he will not hold on. That he will pass away or is fragile. We suffer that the beauty could be taken from us once. 1018 Fourthly, similarly: We suffer because we do not have what we do not want under any circumstances. Suppose a person enjoys running and can jog long distances without much discomfort. Only occasionally it pulls in the left knee. But the idea that the joint could no longer play in a few years to run marathon, she worries increasingly. He misses her the joy of training, which she is painless at the moment. 1014 In the last two points the fear of the future and the own vulnerability play the main role. The fear that I have no control over the future and that something undesirable, even bad, could happen. Such thoughts can seize our now and rob the happiness of the present. 1012 What you can do against self-sabotage 3600 The question remains: what helps against the unhealthy thought cinema? 83294 Then ideas, expectations and fears only speak louder. But you can make sure that you do not get carried away by your thoughts and the associated feelings. The best thing would be to disregard them, much like spam or pop-up ads. Paying attention to one's own culture of thought works in a similar way to cultivating flowers: those thoughts and feelings that grow and reproduce will receive attention and space. And vice versa, the thoughts that we do not care about will come with time.

The path to inner peace But the point is: Who rubs on the inevitable in the long run, is sore. But if you change your expectations and accept that disappointment and pain are part of life as well, you will not be tormented by these experiences any more. In spite of necessity, an inner peace returns somehow 1018 Unforgettable for me are those conversations I have had on different occasions with women and men – all married. For five, ten or forty years. We talked about what “happily married” means, and about the fact that there are always unfulfilled areas in each partnership. At some point, I asked, “Set yourself a scale from 0 to (*) Percent means you can share anything that matters to you with your partner Zero percent means that there are no common areas of life and interests What is your experience of having a happy marriage? ” – The vast majority answered spontaneously and without knowing from the other assessments: (*)%. 1002 Percent? So little? Or maybe not a little, but only quite realistic?!? 1015 Who expects a perfect luck from life, has already programmed his misfortune. However, the more realistic your own expectations are, the sooner we can be satisfied with “imperfect luck.” 1011 Live in the here and now

For to the extent that the thought-cinema becomes aware of us, we can take a distanced attitude towards it. We look at the cinema from the outside and ask, “To whom do I want to believe more: my fear of tomorrow stealing me today, or my grateful confidence that life here will show itself in its beauty?” leaves, looks different for everyone. It would be important to search for one's own sources – and then to draw regularly from them. I personally like to take a suitable reading at hand. I speak with trusted people. Above all, I am helped by times of silence and meditation in which I am simply present. Here sometimes my inner self unravels.

77845 When I got up while cycling, where I had just galloped in my thoughts, I descended. And then slowly drove home – with an attentive look for the babbling brook along the way. Actually very nice, this moment.

20170907Did you Would you like to read more about the topic and talk about it with other women? Then check out the “Personality Forum” 1008 BRIGITTE community past!

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