Why are we so stressed many times? Mostly it’s just the pressure we make ourselves – or other mothers. These examples show that the world continues to turn when we are not Miss Perfect. Click on the video and see what supposedly important things you do not stress anymore!
1. Be neat
I do not know how some mothers manage that their home always looks like a furniture exhibit at Habitat. Gorgeous! I like tidy apartments. And for a long time I tried to fulfill my idea of home aesthetics next to child and job. Until I realized that someone always came too short. Either the child, because “Mama still has to suck”. Or myself, because at 22 o’clock I still put my clothes down instead of putting myself in the tub or, ideally, straight to bed. Meanwhile, I have accepted that the household is what always falls in our “work-life balance”. And it’s ok! Sucking once a week is quite enough, and laundry mountains are a great way to hide behind the sofa while you’re watching ” Mad Men “.
2. Constantly organizing “playdates”
There was a time when my daughter had more appointments than the Chancellor. I did not think that under three-year-olds there is such a pronounced culture of engagement. Almost every day another mother asked me, “You both want to make an appointment, can we make an appointment?” I did not want to be the fun brake and joined in. The result was that we were all stressed out, including the daughter, who regularly had nervous breakdowns when she had to fight for the toy in the strange nursery after the long day of kindergarten. Now there are “playdates” in tolerable doses – and we enjoy having afternoon time for ourselves.
3. Always do everything with the family
I know adults who only exist as “we”. We go on vacation, we make a trip, we meet in the park. It took us three years to get all of us together for the first time. How sad? Nope, not at all. Why not use free days to break out of the family business? Two weeks in New York with your best friend, a few days in the mountains with your buddies – sometimes you can recharge the batteries so much better than when camping together on the Baltic Sea.
4. Demonstrate the modern media
The other day, when I told a mother that I saw “The Frozen” with my five-year-old, she suddenly fell silent and looked as if I’d said we were in a peepshow. Television is in many families as a devil’s stuff, computer games even more. Sure, every kid is different and too much screen consumption is definitely harmful. But in my experience, the good old parenting rule applies: Allow the fun in moderation and it’s not so exciting. As long as the favorite activity is still pirate games in the park, the child can paddle on Sunday with the iPad .
5. Play games that I do not feel like
I love to play with kids, really! But there are a few children’s games that bore me terribly. This includes: the shop (“What may it be? Five rolls? Please very much? Another wish? Yawn ….”), the horse farm (because I always have to be the horse) and the sandbox bakery (“Hmmm, NOCH a chocolate cake, yum! “). And I think: The daughter can accept the wishes of the mother quietly. Incidentally, she does too. Finally, she can buy cucumbers with her friends – and we make our marble tournament nice.
6. Always be consistent
Yes, I know, consequence is so important for education. But she is also damned unrealistic. Which man has always been straight and disciplined, except maybe Tibetan monks or Madonna? And do I even want my daughter to be that way? Moreover, it is always wonderful to see her happy-surprised face when she suddenly hears a “yes” in the firm expectation of a “no”.
7. Torment my child with vegetables
Three months. So long took the phase in which my then toothless daughter ate vegetables. What a great time! Whether parsnip, carrot or sweet potato – the child stuffed it all in and I had the pleasant feeling of being a good provider: The child comes through, it eats vegetables!
But suddenly it was over. For 5 years she denied vegetables consistently. What have we fought, begged, tricked, hidden vegetables in sauces and juices – it did not help. At some point, I was sick of discussing with my daughter whether a cucumber touched with her lips was already “tasting”.
Now she eats what she wants. Sometimes even a pea is there (“but only from the can!”). And we finally have peace at the table.