(*) For months, Julie von Bismarck and her husband John hoped in vain for a child How hard it can be to fight for years to fulfill his desire to conceive, and why she and her husband have never given up hope, Julie now tells to help other people in similar situations. This text contains a Affiliate Link .
84 Months: When giving up is not an option
“I watch my blood spread out in the toilet, forming bright red patterns, (…) Today it is that (*) positive pregnancy test holds a lump of bloody toilet paper in his hand it is the (*) Month of trying in It’s that (*). Seven years of my life, subordinated to the desire for a child – in vain. ”
When horse expert Julie von Bismarck meets her future husband John, it’s love at first sight. “I had seen him and knew in the moment that this was the man I wanted to spend my life with at all costs, and he had felt the same way with me,” recalls Julie. The two are overjoyed and carefree, they get married and Julie gets pregnant soon.
The overwhelming moment when the baby’s heartbeat appears on the ultrasound monitor will never be forgotten. But then begins a seven-year history of suffering: Julie has a miscarriage.
“Our baby was the greatest miracle and greatest gift of our lives, both to John and to me, and later he told me that moment when he had the heart of our child for the first time to see him beat, which was the most overwhelming of his life, and for me he was, “writes Julie von Bismarck in her book” 193 84 Months: Seven Years Caught in the Desire to Have a Child “, in which she now tells her painful story (Piper Verlag, ISBN: 978 – 3 – 492 – 06163 -. 6)
you Describes what it means when the longed-for wishful child just does not come. How hard it can be to depend on the support of the fertility industry if all the treatments that have helped millions of people around the world (44 Statistics German IVF Register ), do not work. And how a relationship can withstand such challenges.
The decision to publish this difficult personal story was not easy for them. But Julie von Bismarck hopes her story will bring comfort and hope to other people in similar situations. “I want to show how hard the path to the child can be – so many people are affected by this issue, but few dare to talk about it openly, and I think it would help if we could deal with it more openly.” , her world is breaking. In her book, Julie tells of the moment of crushing ultrasound: “The doctor said nothing, he kept searching silently, then, after an eternity, he said the words that were to destroy our lives: ‘I can not see a pulse.’ I felt my heart resting in full consciousness and my blood stopped, as if someone had shocked me, that could not be, that was certainly a mistake! If something was wrong with the baby, I would have noticed! I wanted to shout at him, he should keep looking, it could only be a mistake – but my mouth did not move, there was nothing moving, my heart, my blood, my nerve cells ‘My brain – everything stopped, like the child in my stomach.’
After the miscarriage, Julie’s uterus is scraped. “You can always get pregnant again” – the doctors assure her again and again. For a long time, Julie and John are desperate with grief for their lost child. But the hope remains. Julie and John continue to hope for a child.
Julie subordinates her whole life to the desire to have children
Desire to have a child in her heart, Julie assigns her whole life to (*) under. She sells her beloved horse, refrains from alcohol, coffee and sports, sex according to diary determines her partnership.
By crossing this threshold, the purposeful dating to sex during the fertile days, their path of suffering continues. Because naturally it no longer comes to a pregnancy. So Julie and John eventually go to a fertility clinic, decide on hormone treatments, artificial insemination and finally embryo transfer.
All these attempts fail – but even in the greatest agony Julie and John do not bring themselves to give up their desire to have children. They always have the hoping words of the doctors in their heads, they are afraid of missing the one, decisive chance. She continued to believe she could get pregnant again, says Julie in “(*) months “:
in each cycle again. Also in this last one. The injections, the hormones, the side effects, the operations, the general anesthesia, the brutal pain. The hope, this recurring huge hope. For seven years, hope for seven years to see how hope is destroyed, building new hope. Over and over again. Always in vain.
becomes a test of the relationship. With each negative pregnancy test, their despair grows, as does the alienation from their social environment, as family members and friends are increasingly over-reacting to their suffering over time and walking away. Nevertheless, Julie and John keep fighting 19 for her much desired child. The increasing isolation, the enormous costs, the medications and side effects, the humiliating situations, the sprays and the pain – all this they accept to fulfill their great desire. Henry Trost, who can be seen at the top of the picture
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84 Months “from the loss of her child and the burden of fertility treatments to the limits she is ready to go beyond to get her own child – and what thereby from Leb en remains …
Julie recalls in her book, “How many times in the past seven years have I imagined how we would create the most beautiful of all childhoods for our children? How our children would roam from morning to night through the days filled with sun and hay and larks and summer rains, permeated with warmth, carefree and happy. How my daughter should get the pony I never had, how my son would build a tree house with his father. How beautiful it would all be for our children. And for us. Every time I watched other children, I thought of our own family. ”
Of the countless doctors and specialists who visit her, says Julie, she is always reassured about the excellence of her qualifications, until it turns out that this is not true Seven years ago, Julie von Bismarck reports, a doctor finally makes it clear that her uterus has lost its functionality as a result of surgery after the loss of her baby.
First, Julie and her husband are just mad at the doctors who have been wasting their time over the years. “Business with hope, business with desperation, it seems quite lucrative too Their conclusion is that, perhaps they suspect that many of the doctors have justified his actions with the idea that there are always “miracles”.
With the help of a surrogate mother, her daughter comes into the world – for Julie and John greatest happiness on earth finally becomes reality.