Unfortunately, lovesickness is still often ridiculed, it makes separation pain sick – and at any age. Why and how lovesickness can justify a sick leave explains here the experienced couple therapist Eric Hegmann.
Lovesickness tears the heart. Suddenly a beloved person is missing. The hours seem endless, dull soul-pain throbs through head and body. In moments like this one just wants to crawl away and mourn in peace for having lost a love.
But in the vast majority of people, this is not possible or only for a limited time – because at some point the job calls. But serving customers, smiling kindly, writing creatively, or calculating in concentration while all thoughts are all about heartbreak? That can be infinitely difficult.
Why lovesickness hurts so much
” The sensations of a separation are very similar to those of a loved one’s death, ” says couple therapist Eric Hegmann . “Loss is one of the most intense life experiences, and when separated, there are still many feelings of loss: fear of change, reproaches, self-doubt, anger … All these waves of emotions literally flush away all logic and rational thought and block your conscious thinking and thought . act you feel completely alien controlled by these – even frequently changing -. emotional outbursts “
No matter how hard you try to “work” again, you can not do anything about the painful feelings of separation!
“If you leave, you’re probably going to be bothered by a lot of questions about why.” When you split up, you’re probably worried about failure, you may also have been cheated, and the trouble keeps flooding you, and you might even doubt your own Perception: How could I not have seen that? “
How do these stressful feelings, so the couple therapist, explain the biochemistry. “In situations of extreme excitement, such as anger and anger, those brain regions that are evolutionarily age-old are active in humans, they were created earlier than those that allow us to evaluate and classify our feelings.” That’s our reptile brain, so to speak Few decisions: especially flight and fight To survive, it was essential for our animal ancestors to be able to react immediately.Today, the subconscious mind still takes control of us when things need to go fast, for example, when you reflexively help jump, if something is on you. “
For Eric Hegmann, it’s completely clear: “No matter how hard you try to” work “again, you can not do anything about the painful feelings of separation!”
Still have to work with lovesickness
To plunge into the work with lovesickness may even be helpful for some people at first, because work gives structure and that is exactly what many abandoned people want, who just can not find a foothold in everyday life anymore. But: ” Just wanting to work prevents yourself from taking time to process the separation, and that’s pure stress.” At some point that will take its toll.
Of course, in such a difficult time, when you can retire to the home office for a while, it’s okay to just work your way out and look very sad.
In the office, more visible pain in the soul is not so popular. However, “If you tell your employer you can not work because of heartache, then he may not accept that,” explains Eric Hegmann. “The situation is different when you go to a doctor, because the consequences of lovesickness are psychological but also physical symptoms such as pain, shortness of breath, circulatory problems , so heartache can be dangerous if you do not do anything about it.”
Maybe you have already heard of a post-traumatic stress disorder? Among them, according to the couple therapist, people suffer from traumatic events. “This is a very extreme reaction, but when separated, many people show milder symptoms, namely, acute stress reactions, and they ‘ll justify a doctor’s sick leave . “
Until the broken heart has recovered, Eric Hegmann recommends: “Take care, take care of yourself, do not be persuaded, you would not have the right to digest and heal the suffering your separation has caused.”
5 first aid tips for lovesickness
Tip 1: Contact Lock
Delete his / her number, make friends, pack all the souvenir photos in boxes. Avoid mementos and places. Lovesickness is a kind of withdrawal. You do not want to have anything nearby, which makes relapsing easier.
Tip 2: Time to mourn
Reserve a certain amount of time per day for your love pain. Let your feelings run free. To always suppress them in order to “work” will only prolong the phase.
Tip 3: Talk about your pain
Not all the time (see Tip 2), but talk about the soul, which is depressing. If your circle of friends gives up: Seek external help. Many psychologists, therapists and coaches offer a companion in lovesickness.
Tip 4: Pay attention to your diet
Now you need a lot of nerve food (fish, soy, walnuts), brightener (pineapple – and yes, chocolate), happy people (chili, avocado …) and if you can not sleep (but only after consultation with your doctor!) Support like St. John’s wort. That alcohol makes miserable and nicotine flabby is clear. Please do not empty the red wine in your grief or fill the ashtray!
Tip 5: Drive Sport!
When it gets really bad, go out and jog. The fresh air is good and the movement is the same, and you literally free yourself. The messengers and hormones responsible for your depressed mood are broken down more quickly and driven away by the happy people who are released while walking. Sport works like an antidepressant, but without a pill.
About Eric Hegmann:
The Hamburg couple therapist and relationship expert Eric Hegmann supports singles and couples on topics such as heartbroken, conflict resolution, couple dynamics, dating or dating questions. More information can be found at www.eric-hegmann.de .
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Hamburg-based couple therapist and relationship expert Eric Hegmann supports singles and couples on topics such as conflict resolution, couple dynamics, dating and dating.