Memo to my former self: dreaming on and on, no matter what. Above all, do not listen to the naysayers!
To put it immediately, I did not dream of becoming a bestselling author. I would have found that presumptuous. Writers, these were rare unicorns for me. Extremely bright people with qualities that I did not think I possessed. My little dream in my miniature Cologne apartment went like this: At some point I go to a bookstore, and then I draw from a hidden corner of a tiny book that has appeared in a tiny edition in a tiny publisher – and my name is on it. But even that seemed unattainable to me. I had written four novels that had all been rejected. I do not know how many conjectures it actually was, certainly more than 50. And I suffered from everyone.
The more rejection I experience, the more I want a yes
But I kept writing. Because it was my thing. I wanted that. I had to do that. I would have just done that as a hobby. And as far as the naysayers were concerned, they inspired me more. The more rejection I experience, the more I want a yes. I’m a big fan of hard work and resilience. If I had thrown out then, there would never have been trial number five. The big breakthrough: “The trap”. Today I live the XXL version of my dream. I have just returned from a reading tour of Canada. I was on TV the other day. And when I go to a bookstore, there are three titles of mine. Lots. Exposed. I would not have dared dream of that. But to believe a little more would have saved me suffering.
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