Everything palette between you and your sweetheart? Or are you not sure? In any case, psychologists recognize a healthy relationship with these eight criteria.
A varied, fulfilling sex life, trust, the one or the other triviality that makes one’s partner happy – definitely all conducive to a healthy, happy relationship . But what are the most important criteria for understanding a healthy relationship, according to couple therapists? We were smart and inquired.
8 criteria for a healthy relationship
1. You are there for each other – not everyone for themselves!
In a healthy relationship, partners focus more on what they can give to others to make them happy – less on what they want or what they lack. You love “to give and not to get what you need”, says Dominik Borde, a couple therapist and relationship expert from Vienna . In his experience, couples who are happy with each other over the long term put the well-being of the partner above their own. But of course, this only works if BOTH do – because only then will both be equally taken care of …
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2. You make your time together special!
In a healthy relationship, the partners rely on each other – but they never take themselves for granted. They consciously take time for each other and value shared experiences that strengthen their bond. Only in this way, say our experts, does love have a chance to survive in the long term. (A little tip: 2-2-2 rule ! Thanks us later …)
3. You are best friends!
“For me, a healthy relationship is characterized by a deep friendship of the partners,” says the Hamburg couple therapist Eric Hegmann, because friendly values such as trust, goodwill and solidarity are the alpha and omega for every partnership. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche also knew: ” Marriages do not fail because of the lack of love but because of the lack of friendship. “ And if even Nietzsche is of this opinion …
4. You say “I love you” – because you mean it!
In a healthy relationship, partners say the magic three words because they feel them, not because they are so. “It’s wrong that many couples use the words ‘I love you’ as a hackneyed formula that, rashly pronounced, means nothing special,” says Borde . On the other hand, if you consciously choose to say the words (and ideally meet your partner’s eye), then, according to the expert, he could feel the love within you.
5. Changes weld you together!
Change is a challenge for most partnerships. But: “In a stable relationship, the partners trust that changes can not separate them,” says Hegmann. “As experience grows, partners will become more and more confident as they experience that they have created shared values and achieved goals, which creates confidence and optimism.” So, while shaky partnerships are more likely to break down into major changes, they bind partners even closer together in a healthy relationship – after all, it unites true love .
6. You argue at eye level!
As US researchers discovered in a large-scale, long-term study , couples who share the same strategy of conflict resolution live happier and healthier for longer than those with conflicting relationships between partners. So if you prefer to actively and emotionally and assertively remove both inconsistencies, that’s a good sign of your relationship. Likewise, if you both tend to wait until the waves smooth themselves again. On the other hand, if you bet on different strategies, there is a greater risk that at least one of you could become unhappy in the relationship in the long term.
7. You are at peace with yourself!
A healthy relationship requires self-love and self-confidence in both partners. Borde said: “Only when you are at peace with yourself will others be willing to love you the way you are.” He who takes refuge in a mating relationship because he feels lonely, can not be alone, or seeks someone, who supports him in every situation, the partner will sooner or later get lost. “ Of course, your partner should also look after you in a healthy relationship and support you (and vice versa) – but not because you need it, but because he loves you.
8. You influence each other!
Huh? One should not change the partner !? Right! But in a healthy relationship, partners still influence each other, according to Hegmann, not actively but rather passively. Because they admire, respect and just love each other. Just as the partner is the best friend, she is also the most trustworthy counselor, the person to whom you entrust your secrets , and the greatest inspiration. No wonder that happy couples often become more similar over time. Not because one deliberately tries to change the other, but because both – consciously or unconsciously – take over from the other what they admire most about him.
Dominik Borde is relationship coach and offers his singles and couples support in coping with various problems and challenges through his ” social dynamics ” in Vienna. Among other things, he is currently enthusiastic about his practical seminar on the topic “Love can be learned”.
The Hamburg-based couple therapist Eric Hegmann has developed numerous online courses and tests based on his many years of practical experience, which can help singles and couples to better understand themselves and overcome challenges. Hegmann continues to assist numerous people as a therapist.
Video tip: 7 signs of true love
Relationship coach Dominik Borde
Couple therapist Eric Hegmann