Parent-coach Uta Allgaier explains the pitfalls parents often experience in parenting – whether due to outdated parenting methods or excessive care. Click on the video and see where many parents make life unnecessarily difficult!
Believing you would have to let a baby scream.
For a child to develop basic trust, it needs solid caregivers who respond sensitively to his signals. Sure, parents are at times perplexed and annoyed at the end. But nobody should make screaming a method.
Believing you have to be on your heels all the time as soon as it can run.
Parents in the park or even in the supermarket can take a few steps ahead. When the child constantly feels our breath on the back of his neck, his innate ability to cooperate with Mom and Dad and follow them on their own. Toddlers need casual closeness, so they can “refuel” safety at any time to conquer the world with renewed courage.
To believe that even small children would have to share their toys or food with other children.
In their first years of life, they first learn to possess before they can give anything. This is a maturation process. Parents should not force their children to give something away. Most likely, small people learn to share when they see their parents as generous.
To believe that parents could always be just.
Those who meticulously pay attention to the fact that the siblings are allowed to swing the same number of times, get the same number of sweets and read them for the same amount of time draws children who quickly realize “this is unfair!” wear on the lips. Love can not be given with the measuring cup. If you lead a life of generosity and abundance, the children are simply swept along.
To pick a primary school only because friends of the child go there.
At the age of five or six years, children can find contact with other children within a very short time. Only at the beginning of puberty are friendships really personal. For the school choice, a short path, the educational concept and loving teachers are much more important.
To take school services too seriously.
Instead of constantly putting pressure on the children because of the school, they prefer to enjoy education and lifelong learning (reading, theater and museum visits). It’s nice to support the children and listen to the vocabulary, but if they can only do it when mom or dad learns with them on a daily basis, then something is fundamentally wrong – and everyone is suffering.
With a boy “Let’s talk about you and your feelings”.
If a mother wants more closeness to her son, she should be interested in her hobbies, take a dog walk with him, or drive a car until the tank is empty. It does more than force him to sit down opposite her and talk about himself and his friends.
Smartphone and computer damn.
For teens, digital media is not just a toy, but an integral part of their lifeworld. Here they keep each other up to date, here they communicate with their friends, here they design their own virtual world in games. If parents constantly devalue that, they put the contact and the influence on their child on the line.
Treating teens as if they were hormone-driven aliens.
How would mothers like us if we were not taken seriously because of the menopause? During puberty, children become adults. That is healthy and necessary. In time, they need parents who talk to them and not about them.
For the benefit of the children neglect their own luck.
From this kind of sacrifice children hold little. If their parents are happy, they are too (assuming, of course, they spend time with them). Everything I invest to live a full life for myself and with my partner directly benefits the children. They finally learn by the model.
About the expert:
Uta Allgaier is a journalist and parent trainer, she also writes the MOM blog Who’s actually with Katzenklo . Helpful educational tips are also in her book “But! Education can be easy!” (Ellert & Richter Verlag, 240 pages, 14.95 euros).