The nastiest dangers are those we do not recognize as such. But do not worry: we’ll tell you 10 typical, unrecognized relationships – so you can dodge elegantly.
Infidelity, too little or bad communication, orgasm problems or other difficulties in bed and of course financial worries – that such things can torpedo a relationship and in the worst case can cause capsizing, most probably on the slip. But we know it from Titanic: Often enough, it is the underestimated dangers that make a ship sink. Blogger and psychologist Kelly Flanagan presented his nine most dangerous icebergs for the partnership in a post for ” Huffington Post ” – and we think he’s pretty much hit the mark. An iceberg, however, has also overlooked Flanagan …
10 underestimated dangers to the relationship
1. We love our partner as he is – not what he wants to be
People are changing, partly because they want it. Or do not you want to be more mature, smarter, happier and more balanced …? Anyone who enters into a partnership with the expectation that the other will always stay the way you have come to know him sooner or later will be disappointed.
2. Despite relationship, we are on our own
Overcoming loneliness is not so easy, as it plunges into a partnership, because even in a relationship, there will always be things that we can only identify with ourselves. But if we do not realize this and hope that our partner will free us from all desires and feelings of loneliness, he will not be able to live up to our claims – and we will be frustrated.
3. The package we have to carry …
We’ve all been injured or done something that we’re ashamed of – maybe even breaking someone else’s heart . In short, every person has certain wounds and hauls one or the other packages from the past with him. Now it can happen in a close relationship that we are confronted with it and our wounds are torn open again. Unfortunately we take that (unfortunately often) unconsciously to our current partner, even though it is actually innocent.
4. The ego
Who likes to give in? Or admits she was wrong and made a mistake? It’s hard to swallow one’s ego, even in a relationship. But there you have to, because if two people insist on their position, they can not pull together in the long term or move forward together.
5. Life is chaotic – and relationship too
It is impossible to be prepared for anything in life or to always have everything planned and under control. Most of the time, we have to improvise and make the most of a situation we did not even order. And the same goes for partnerships. If you want to be happy in your relationship, you have to give up your dream of perfect partnership – and get involved in the reality.
6. Compassion is more exhausting than expected
Feeling empathy for the partner may sound like a matter of course to many, but in truth it is not that easy. To engage with the perspective of another person requires not only strength but also courage and a lot of trust, after all we have to let go of our own. But if we can not or do not give this supposed “matter of course” – what does the relationship make sense …? A fatal mistake, because trust and compassion can only develop with active involvement and enough risk-taking.
7. Children are more loved than partners
Yes, for some partnerships, the common children are the iceberg, according to Flanagan. It would not exist without the partner. If that is not reason enough to treat him as loving and caring as she …
8. Subliminal power struggles
We would all like to always enforce our will, even in the partnership. That’s the way people are ticking and that’s perfectly okay – as long as we admit it. Then we can arrange with it and make sure that sometimes one, the other comes at their expense. Otherwise, we would sooner or later lose control over our relationship due to sheer subliminal power struggles. And then right does not help much further.
9. We are not used to being faithful
In the job, in social trends and in technological development, we do not even start – we live in a fast-paced time where flexibility is a key skill. But if we change jobs and cell phones every two years, how can we cope with the same partner for 10, 20, 30 years without being bored? In many areas of life, loyalty is not worth much and partnership can be dangerous.
10. We do not love each other enough
Self-love and self-awareness are not what a partner teaches us – we have to work on it ourselves, before, during and next to each relationship. Of course, our treasure can help us, our partnership can be one of the pillars on which we build our self-esteem. But who goes into a relationship without sufficient independent and unconditional self-love and believes that the partner can judge that, just expects too much. After all, the other is just a human and probably already has enough to do with his own self-confidence.
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