Since relationships exist, humans (probably) also have affairs. If the legitimate question arises: why? We asked in our community – and got great answers!
Some people eat fast food, although they know it’s not good for them. Others refuse to accept help they urgently need. Still others hold on to relationships that make them ready. We can not always understand everything at a glance, what we all do. We can only try – or accept that there are reasons we do not know.
Much else is not left to us when it comes to affair. Although couple therapists like Eric Hegmann can tell helpful things about typical reasons and motives of affairs . But for some, it may be difficult to understand why people go strangers or indulge in someone who has been forgiven, when they know that it betrays a third person and is deeply hurt .
In our community , we asked if our users could understand that people are entering into affairs – and, as a result, get a lot of great answers! Some have shared their own experiences of cheating and deceit, others have shared their attitude and sentiments on the subject. We would like to thank all of you for your enriching contributions – you are great! ❤️
From all the answers, we have selected nine, which we would like to share again with the friendly permission of the person here – among other things, to make us all aware: Especially with a topic like affair , the relationships are never just black and white and gives There are numerous, sometimes completely different perspectives and perspectives . To avoid duplication and to sharpen the views a bit, we have shortened some of the posts here – so if you want to get a complete picture, please check the thread in our Brigitte community .
What it brings to have an affair – voices from our community
First of all, cheating on yourself with an affair
“Before I would seek the ‘apparent happiness’ in an affair in a relationship that no longer makes me happy, I would rather split up, since for me it would be mainly a scam on myself and my values.” (Glasmurmel60, please see our Brigitte community for full post!)
2. Foreigners have serious problems
“I can understand that you have an outrage, that a relationship comes to a point where you think it over or just not (more) happy.” All human. “The question is: how do I deal with it?
To embark on an affair is the easiest way to avoid having to work on the actual problem. Is not for me but adult dealing. Neither with yourself nor with your partner.
For longer (secret) affairs there is no justification in my opinion. Who can not clean up in his life and acts like that, also acts in other situations similar cowardly.
Take the stealth out and 9 out of 10 affairs are completed in no time. Affairs live from reverie, an escape from the dreary everyday life. But whoever makes his everyday life dull has completely different problems. They can not be solved by a little bird egg in the hotel. At least not permanently. “(Rantaleinen, please see our Brigitte community for full article!)
3. Marrieds have a special charm
“As a male single, I had an affair with a married woman for five years decades ago, and the end almost killed me, but I survived.
At least for a young person, married affair partners can have a very strong appeal. Because married people, whether men or women, act out of a safe haven. You are more confident. You have experience. You can live two lives apart from each other. That makes them fascinating. “(Marcus Opellius)
4. Anyone who embarks on an affair has a lack of self-confidence – and courage
“I believe that getting involved in an affair with a forgiver as an unbound person often has two mainsprings:
- One wants to prove to oneself that one is “better” and can “get the forgiven person”
- Avoidance tactics – fear of really getting involved, and the relationship status of the affair person does not increase the risk.
If you engage in an affair as a forgiver, in most cases, the mMn has something to do with missing something in the relationship. Be it physical, emotional, emotional, communicative, affirmation or a mixture of several or even all factors. But instead of trying to remedy this situation, or separating in case of doubt, one escapes into an affair. In my experience, the fear of separation often happens for the wrong reasons. Convenience, “wrong” sense of responsibility that partners do not want to hurt (and only make it worse).
Can I understand such people? No not more. There are other ways to solve this situation. Of course, this requires self-reflection, of course. And courage. “(Bliblablupp84)
5. There is no excuse for an affair
“I can not understand the scammers and I’m sorry only the dupes (and their families) are sorry I’ve never cheated on either .. first I would finish a relationship properly and then start something new .. the way it ‘belongs’ “(Aurora18)
6. There is worse than infidelity
“I’ve always wondered why people are so concerned about sexual loyalty, it was never important to me and I never promised allegiance to anyone, and I now know that there are people who feel terribly hurt by infidelity and that That’s why I probably would not sleep with a married or otherwise traded person, but I still can not really understand it.
By the way: My partner hurt me a lot in the next 30 years. It never had anything to do with loyalty. Maybe there are long-standing relationships in which nobody ever hurt one another, but I personally do not know any. Why is that? Because sometimes two people have different needs and priorities in a situation. If you accept that, you will be more comfortable with not taking injuries as a personal offense.
Maybe it would be different if a partner hurt me on purpose. I suppose then I would go. But most injuries probably happen unintentionally. “(Cariad)
7th Affair okay – but long-term fraud is not
“I can understand that people get involved in an affair, but only conditionally, when in the relationship everything is just splashing and suddenly another person comes in.” Then one of the partners might quickly get into an affair What I do not understand is that he stays in it, that he does not part with it right away, preferably before the actual deception comes in. Such people are deeply unsympathetic to me. “ (Sintonia)
8. Affair is additional goodie – and easy to have thanks to the Internet
“Sure, there is suddenly an encounter and it makes peng, you forget everything around you and is just free from everyday life Someone who is sought after and wanted without contaminated sites, it tingles and butterflies everywhere I can totally perform …
But through the Internet, the affair has got a completely different status. If I alone see all these possibilities on page jumping sites and also free dating sites is actively, deliberately looking for an affair. Both men and women!
This rethinking of wanting to keep the relationship at home and still letting someone into his life has got quite a few people moving. It has become easier due to the current communication possibilities …
It’s about being able to feel something again, sexually as well as emotionally, regardless of the life situation, just being ME …
I’m living the third affair in my life, the first was seven years, the second about four months, the third is now about nine months, but will not be long for a variety of reasons … “(Veranoazul, for please see our full post in our Brigitte community !)
9. Affairs bring nothing but suffering and sorrow – for all involved
“From 1976 to 1979, I had a relationship with a married man, he wanted a divorce, he divorced, he had two children, and when he was divorced, I was no longer interested in him, and I always tried to persuade him to do so Going back to his wife, I was 22 years old and had no idea about life.
Since I had the experience, I ran away from married men. I am not interested in secrecy, have no interest in jealousies concerning the wife and marriage, I am not a savior. If they want to foreign birds, they should look for someone else, I’m not available for this.
Anyone who gets involved with a married man or a married woman, I can only regret. The one who has nothing but grief has nothing left from life.
I do not care what people do, I do not have an open ear for this situation. I do not care who gets what or where gets it. Everyone has to make out with themselves. I would not want to know about my husband either. I’m not jealous and I do not care about spying. You betray yourself someday, there you do not need to look. “(Linsemo, please see our Brigitte community for full post!)