For many, being single is, above all, an unwanted condition between their partnerships. Our author, on the other hand, appreciates her single life, because she has learned a lot – and especially for her future relationships.
Yes, yes, I know. Being single is considered a kind of “disorder” in our society.
Why else would there be an official “Single Awareness Day” (but no “Couples Awareness Day”!)? Why else would you call a gene variant whose carriers have inhibited happiness hormone production a ” single gene “? And why else would people who I tell that I’ve been single for three years always ask me pretty quickly, “And how come you’ve been single for so long?”?
Well, but this “disturbance” seems good to me. Because in my time as a single I have already learned so many lessons that I have not learned in my relationships so far.
7 things I learned as a long-running single
1. I do not need a partner
Let air out of the heater, replace the shower head, attach the bicycle bell to the handlebar – I can do it all by myself. Go to the cinema, what delicious things to cook, go out, travel – everything works just fine! The fact that as a single I can do everything as well as manage and enjoy it as with a partner at my side, was only really clear to me when I tried it. Knowing this, in turn, gives me that unbelievably great sense of independence and self-confidence that will surely never leave me in my future relationships. Besides, if there’s something I can not do alone, why are there helpful neighbors or friends …?
2. A partnership alone will never be enough for me
In partnerships, many people tend to focus on their partner, neglecting friends and family – and me too. On the one hand, as a permanent single, I have experienced how beautiful and enriching a large, diverse network of social relationships is. And on the other hand, how crap it feels to be the neglected. That’s why it’s clear to me: My next partnership will be just one of many important relationships in my life!
3. Self-love is the prerequisite for loving others
I know, that is known to most. But it was never really clear to me until I became friends with myself as a single and experienced how self-love feels. In the meantime, I even know that all my previous relationships have failed because I just did not love myself unconditionally enough. As for myself, I have made demands on my partners that no one can fulfill, instead of loving and accepting them (and me) as they are. Meanwhile, I deal with me much milder and appreciative with me and could probably do so with a partner.
4. I can not always make compromises
Since I know how nice it is to enforce your own mind one hundred percent, I will not give up this privilege so quickly. Clearly, in my next relationships, I will consider the needs of my partner, respond to them, and make the compromises that are needed. But I am determined not to back up too often, especially not with things that are important to me. Ultimately, that would not do the relationship well.
5. Even with the right partner, a relationship does not go by itself
Of course, in my single time, I also thought about past relationships and found that I was definitely already with the right person . It was just (twice!) The wrong time (and I could well say why, but that would go too far here). I think if we tried it again, it could be really good. Anyway, I would be open and ready for it …
6. Flirting is great, but harmless
Being able to flirt freely with every interesting human being is just great! In any case, my mood almost raises a flirtation (!) As reliably as vanilla ice cream with biscuit dough. But honestly, I flirt with so many and none of them mean anything to me . They are all just more or less means to an end (I feel good about them), and most of them are based on reciprocity. So as long as my next partner is loyal to me, I would not mind if both of us conceded a harmless flirting now and then. 🤷♀️
7. I do not have to look for my dream man
My experience as a single person combined has led to the fact that I currently do not feel that I have to go looking for a partner actively and with great effort. Although I think I am now (for the first time in my life) ready for a relationship and therefore I am quite open to promising acquaintances. But I do not have to go out hell in the next best partnership. I do not want to try to make something suitable – but something suitable! And the self-confidence and the patience to wait, I have meanwhile.