Anger is unfeminine, unattractive, selfish – that's what we learned as little girls. But it is so much more: it warns us, protects against injustice, drives us on. Why do not we use this power?
It started three years ago. My relationship had just broken down, our son became a separation child. I was shaken, needed comfort. Instead, I should answer unpleasant questions from family members on the phone in the evening. “Maybe you did not give him enough freedom?” and “Did you have too little sex?” or “Why did you have to go back to work so early?”. So I was not relaxed enough, not willing enough or too careerist. The separation was obviously my fault. 8000
Disappointment and anger 8388608 Disappointed and incredibly angry, I would have liked to scream into the phone until he was hoarse. But I was scared. Worrying to scare my family too - and decided to cry. I answered her questions and cried again. Like a little girl who just blew her knee bloody. When I was finally alone, I tore the wallpaper from the living room wall. 1010 1859775393 In secret. I felt it was normal, as I had learned from my mother, who used to scrub the bathroom angrily many times. And she had it from her mother, who is still angrily simmering in the kitchen. 02
"Even as girls, we learn that anger is unfeminine, unattractive and selfish," writes US activist Soraya Chemaly in her book "Rage Becomes Her - The Power of Women's Anger". It does not match the social expectation of the feminine image. Bloated nostrils, distorted lips, flicking teeth - anger is a natural but ugly emotion. Ugly women? Not so nice. They are happy to rejoice in joy, to mourn in grief, to be ashamed of shame. Rage in anger? D rather not. True to the motto: You're a girl! 1001 anger as progress
Anger is so much more than an ugly feeling. She warns us, protects us from injustice, humiliation, overstrain. It is a driver, a catalyst, a gigantic megaphone. It forces us to finally look for solutions to a problem that was not previously considered. So, when you know how to channel them, anger is progress. 2017 To deny women and their anger means disrupting their development. "No revolution without rage" was recently on the posters of the children on the "Fridays for Future" demos. Soraya Chemaly is convinced that anger and self-esteem need to be thought together. And that being angry will not be the moral property of men. What, let's face it, in the year 79 still the case. 30537 An example: Recently, a friend discussed with her husband about the women's quota. As the conversation became more passionate, he asked why she became so hysterical. That this nonsense still makes women mad is what we owe to an old white man: "Hysteria" comes from ancient Greek "hystéra" and means uterus. It was Hippocrates who declared hysteria to be a physical and mental disorder triggered by a raging uterus if the woman was not penetrated for too long. In other words, angry women should be neatly * to relax again. Hi?!
Female anger has been criminalized () Time not only pathologized, but also criminalized. 122 of 17. and 18. At the turn of the twentieth century, husbands were allowed to put a disguised mask around their heads at home. The steel device had a mouth gag with a metal plate thorned to hold the woman's tongue in check. Unfortunately, many women bite themselves on the tongue today. Anger as a male privilege
Anger is a male privilege, wrote journalist Alena Schröder recently in the magazine of the "Süddeutsche Zeitung". An angry man is a fighter who knows what he wants, animalistic, attractive even. An angry woman is a fury, bitch, just hysterical. Cliche? Rebuilt? A pipe dream from times long past? Unfortunately, no. "Women have internalized how important it is for the public perception, that they present their legitimate concerns friendly," writes Alena Schröder. Only then can they be taken seriously. 32768 A woman who did not publicly adhere to it and was now publicly executed is 8388608 Andrea Nahles 140720. With the resignation of the ex-SPD boss was once again clear how it is about the female anger. After a year at the top of the media, the media are particularly interested in their loud nature and their ironic "in the teeth" - and "Bätschi" slogans after the general election 64 remind. Gerhard Schröder ("Basta"), Sigmar Gabriel ("Pack") or Peer Steinbrück, who was photographed with Mittelfinger for a magazine cover - they were snotty, impulsive.
1006 But Nahles was too loud from the start, too dominant, too angry. That is how many think. And that's a problem. (*) * Arizona State University has shown in a study how unfair this can be in everyday life: In a counterfeited trial trial participants rated the credibility of various jurors. The anger of men gave them influence. Wrathful women, on the other hand, have been rated as emotional and less credible. 28173 The study raised the issue of sexism in court hearings - and predicts the very same problem that the world is trying to convince three years later in the rape case against US Supreme Court candidate Brett Kavanaugh While Kavanaugh was furious at his hearing, it was important for Plaintiff Christine Ford and her credibility to be composed and friendly. Although she was the real victim. Although she got death threats. Although a man accused of rape could in the future overturn liberal laws and tighten conservative ones. For lifetime.
A society that does not accept women 3600
How does it work? How can you not get mad? How can you not shout at his television when politicians explain in a natural way that a woman can not decide freely about her body, that it is more natural for men to earn more, that women in short skirts would not deserve it otherwise? A worldwide tightening of abortion laws, a shift to the right in Europe, spousal splitting, gender pay gap, old white politicians who are unable to get environmental laws off the ground. "A society that does not respect female anger is a society that does not respect women," says Soraya Chemaly. It is time for female anger to gain social acceptance. On a global level or in our own little cosmos. monthly only (*) Euro more than singles. And that (). * Half got along and despite 1.0 degree almost got only tasks that any trainee could have done. I sought the blame, of course. Thought it was my attitude, did yoga, read mindfulness books. After two years of emotional suppression, I got a stress-related hormonal disorder and depression. ()
Without realizing it, I became a professional in "self-silencing". This is what people call women when they are always above others' own needs and silently angry - with coping strategies such as meditation, a glass of wine or a bubble bath. But what is celebrated in social networks as #self-love, gives women the impression that they always have to continue as long as there are chocolates in front of the TV in the evening. 32768
What can we do? A first step would be to finally stop, to apologize constantly and for everything. Rage light, so to speak. Studies show that () percent of all excuses come from women. For disturbing, for task sharing, for their opinion. There are even apps that remove unnecessary excuse phrases from emails. It only becomes problematic if other women do not follow suit or, worse still, misinterpret the excuse diet as arrogance. Would that be considered cocky in a man?
Never before has the private been more political 1002
The second step: talk to as many women as possible about their frustrating moments and the anger behind them. Only in this way can we make female anger socially acceptable. Even though the reasons are private - never has the private been more political.
For example, the concept of Nonviolent Communication (CSF). It teaches to value all feelings - including anger. Because it is a compass that shows which needs are not met. Appreciation? Trust? Or the feeling of being left alone in the household? It's about recognizing and expressing the need. (*)
So anger helped me to see my need for calm and meaning. I was tired of being a single parent while my ex took over the role of the weekend daddy. We talked a lot and I finally stood up for my oppressed wishes. We opted for the "separated" model, where everyone did half of the care work. Also on my job I was angry, on the inflexibility, the rigid working hours, the role models. So I quit. And fulfilled the need for self-determination, flexibility, personal responsibility. 1014 Austrian environmental activist Madeleine Daria Alizadeh recently wrote on her Instagram account: "Separating anger and femininity means we separate girls and women from the emotion that protects us from injustice. The one who does not feel anger does not become a danger, she can not change anything in one's own unjust reality. " In the end, it's true: no revolution without rage. And no anger without power. We should start to recover both. Bloody hell.
What makes you angry? 1014
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